two steps back, sorry for this.

so I don't kno how to feel ...

My friend P just called me I declined it, so she left me a voicemail and it basically says that T: her dumb piece of shit excuse for a human, friend posted on facebook on her wall saying: you look so happy now, happier then you ever looked with dumb ass females espesically your last one. referring to me

UhmMm.... ? breathe, breathe.... breathe

First, I am so angry. and full of hate again. My blood got so hot. I start thinking of how I would love to have them run off the road, or how I should hire a hit person and then just be done with them both... forever.

but honestly thinking like that just drives me insane as we all know. Being so full of hate I couldn't think straight about anything. I didn't know which way was up or down. I was spiraling out of control, fast! I dont want to go back there. I can't. I like being happy and I won't let this pull me down.

Second, I thought it was interesting. Why post that? I've always known how jealous T was of me. She comes from nothing, fat, ugly, smells, lies constantly every horrible characteristic one person could have, she does. And she would always constantly talk so badly about T. And would get mad when I would call her two-faced, and fake. Either way I didnt care if they were still friends, I just hate fake ppl, pick a side and stick to it. Eventually she stopped talking to her all together. I was happy. But now they are all bff again. Its just funny how that happens. The one person you talked soooooo much shit about now your friends again? I dont get it.

I never really got into how our relationship was, no need to really. But she has so many issues that I had to deal with, that I sacrificed soo much for in effort to make her happy. My own girlfriend always admitted to being jealous of me, wish she was me, i never understood that, but ultimately resulted in a really bad controlling abusive relationship and a really bad breakup. so dumb. And honestly for what?! for nothing. To have gotten tied up in this mess!! I swear on my LIFEE i wish I could have known then what I know now, I would of never never made that mistake.

And so, I could be the better person and wish happiness for them both or I could wish that they keep hating themselves the way they do now. While I would never wish that on any of you, I would wish that on my worst enemies. Cause hating yourself is worst then hell itself. I choose the latter. The best reaction is no reaction at all, because that's what they want. Too bad I have more control than that now. I will always be better, I know that and they know that.

so there.... everything is written down and out of my head. sorry I went back to all of this. I was doing so good. I have a feeling it wont be the last time.