sooo last nite was ... interesting.
I forgot to mention me and C grew up together, and last night I went to go see her family that I havent seen since I was in high school. They still live in the same neighborhood we grew up in. So of course it turn into this mini reunion and our old friend S came over. S is a bit of a fat ass... I'm mad cause its technically her fault I fucked up last nite. She wanted to go eat. fuckfuckfuck I did good, I only ordered cranberry and vodka, two!! Hey you'd get vodka too if you had to sit through the convos I was going thru. I don't remember most of my childhood, NO! like literally blocked it out, so talking about the pass is really mentally exhausting for me. Anyway S ordered enough for 4 ppl, she had four plate in front of her alone. And because the table was so small, the plates were in front of me too. I wish they weren't. So everyone was eating and I wasnt and somehow S goes you have a ED yadda yadda yadda. So I was like wtf no I eat, so i kinda had to prove it. And when I started I couldnt stop :( fuckfuckfuck. I cant really remember all I ate. I think I had bites of eggs n cheese, french fries with gravy and french toast. DAMNNNNN IT! Fucking S! she did that on purpose so she wouldnt feel so fat. Then she says after she ate all that, "ugh I need to start losing weight its almost summer". And I just sat there thinking about the irony of it all .....
The night continues to spiral downhill from there, I won't get into it mostly because I want to forget it all, but big picture C is catching feelings for me, which is so frustrating. Its going to ruin everything. Is something wrong with me, am I the only one that thinks relationships and feelings are the root of all things evil, is it really that hard for everyone to block out emotions? And why must everyone want to discuss everything, if you don't speak the words they don't exist, if you dont speak of having feelings you wont Right? Works for me...i suppose like I said before things are better left unsaid.
So for today, nothing!!!! This morning C's mom brought us donuts, i had none. and she decided to have a cook out in honor of all of us being together. I have to work Thank God! I'm going to work out now. I'm never going to make it to 110 with mistakes like this.
Ouestion: How do you stop conversations when they turn to how small you are, and that you never seem to eat. Somehow, I keep getting into them, and I cant seem to get people off the topic. And so then I feel like I need to prove myself for everyone to just shut up. Which I hate doing. help?
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I know what you are talking about. The best way to make them shut up is to tell them that your figure is naturally small, that you eat what you need to eat and that you don't have to prove anything. Keep up the good job girl :-)
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