my life goes in cycles. You would think I had bipolar disorder. UGH. a couple of months everything its great. next couple of months ... its in shambles. I'm sorry ladies. I've just been trying to pick up the pieces. I've thought about you everyday, but basically to embarrassed, and fat to post, or log in to make me feel ashamed.
Um.... this isnt a blog about weight obviously, just my shambled self. And of course the only thing that shambles my life... is when people mention the forbidden words to me " I like you" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Like WTF why do people feel the need to confess their likes to me! I tell you basically when we meet, Two rules: Dont like me, and if you do dont tell me. WHYYYY must people break these. NO! by breaking these rules, you will not change me. and YES I will still run like hell, or say and do everything in my power to convince you, you have the wrong person.
I've official pushed K #1 away. Which I am not even sad about. She talked too much about liking me and missing me when I didnt text her back or see her, i would have panic attacks just thinking of her name. AH! So happy thats over I can breathe.
BUT NO! here comes K #2 ... they so happen to have the same damn initials, different names, THANK GOD! HER the one who caused me all this anxiety (remember her) yea her name started with K too. FUCK K'S!!! I digress .... I tell her, K#2 the same fucking thing... and what did she do. the same thing. Today she tells me: I wished for (she describes in details) but basically someone just like me, then she says I forgot to wish for her to like me back. Cute Huh? NO! we talked about how I cant like her for like 2 hours, I wish I had anti- anxiety medicine.
I just wanna cry. but I cant, I am so numb with emotions its crazy. I'm like a zombie as soon as you mention relationships, I'm completely zoned out.... I want to be happy, I want to feel, love but i can't. I cant allow myself. Most of you kno how fucking crazy and hard that pass disaster was with her... never again. just fml
the only way I can fall again, is if I have someone just like her, but nothing like her at the same time. How is that possible?
How can I want that???
Florence and the Machine in Dog Days are over said it best... "Leave all your love behind you. You cant carry it if you want to survive"
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
I just had to share
So, woke up rather early today. Was looking threw friends pics on facebook. U kno, the usu ... and came across this. I had had had to share it with you all, I couldnt pass it up. Check it.. lol
Fatty McFat Fat in the white shirt knows she does not even need any icecream. She looks like she would eat YOU if you just so happen to get in her way!!! lmao Her ass should have CAUTION, beware when hungry sign or something on it.
A little reverse thinspo i suppose for the morning.
much love
Fatty McFat Fat in the white shirt knows she does not even need any icecream. She looks like she would eat YOU if you just so happen to get in her way!!! lmao Her ass should have CAUTION, beware when hungry sign or something on it.
A little reverse thinspo i suppose for the morning.
much love
Monday, August 23, 2010
Make your image real
today, i fasted... Oh, I had a coffee. Lots of water.
feeling pretty good. I can tell my body is shrinking bc ive been working out alot lately. ill verify eventually right now im avoiding the scale. in fear...
Im so horny lately lol K said its been over a month I've had sex. She knows because it was with her. I am kinda over her tho. Maybe ill give it just one more go-round. Then its doneso.
I wouldnt mind giving new K a try. (im not a whore I swear. I could count sexual partners on one hand, better yet two fingers until i tried girls... now, its a new ball game. I never knew what sex was until, well, i tried it. BLISS!) Anyway. New K, uh... would probably be amazing,but i cant do it. Shes kinda heavier, proportionally, but still I dont think I could do it. Unless, of course alcohol is involved. then... maybe... Maybe weed too... if not, I might have to just pull the pillow queen thing (which is kinda selfish... )
Anywho, I'll see her tomorrow night. With all intentions of getting plastered! its been awhile. So anything goes I suppose. Shes a poet, a beautiful, amazing, so talented poet and its open mic nite so Im going to watch her. She invited me again. She kinda famous for her poetry in these parts. I think she is catching feelings for me, I wish she wouldnt. ugh... to be continued.
Thats all for tonite ladies. I have a ton of new followers. Its amazing, Hello All! You make me happy. I hope all is going well with you girlies. Keep it up, look in the mirror and see yourself as the size u want to be, it looks great doesnt it?? Now, make it happen. Make your image real!
Stay strong. As always, I hearts u!
ME :)
feeling pretty good. I can tell my body is shrinking bc ive been working out alot lately. ill verify eventually right now im avoiding the scale. in fear...
Im so horny lately lol K said its been over a month I've had sex. She knows because it was with her. I am kinda over her tho. Maybe ill give it just one more go-round. Then its doneso.
I wouldnt mind giving new K a try. (im not a whore I swear. I could count sexual partners on one hand, better yet two fingers until i tried girls... now, its a new ball game. I never knew what sex was until, well, i tried it. BLISS!) Anyway. New K, uh... would probably be amazing,but i cant do it. Shes kinda heavier, proportionally, but still I dont think I could do it. Unless, of course alcohol is involved. then... maybe... Maybe weed too... if not, I might have to just pull the pillow queen thing (which is kinda selfish... )
Anywho, I'll see her tomorrow night. With all intentions of getting plastered! its been awhile. So anything goes I suppose. Shes a poet, a beautiful, amazing, so talented poet and its open mic nite so Im going to watch her. She invited me again. She kinda famous for her poetry in these parts. I think she is catching feelings for me, I wish she wouldnt. ugh... to be continued.
Thats all for tonite ladies. I have a ton of new followers. Its amazing, Hello All! You make me happy. I hope all is going well with you girlies. Keep it up, look in the mirror and see yourself as the size u want to be, it looks great doesnt it?? Now, make it happen. Make your image real!
Stay strong. As always, I hearts u!
ME :)
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Dried Tears
Dried Tears
As I lay on dried tears, I look at my life in the mirror
I see my soul glare back at me in disgust, “are you crazy?” it asks
Am I crazy? What a ridiculous question to ask a greedy woman who gives her heart to a female but repeatedly gets it thrown back in her face
Who tries to help better a person but in return weakens herself
Who looks beyond all her pride and mess-ups and yet still isn’t worthy of her trust
Maybe I am crazy…
But am I crazy for falling for a female whose pockets are bigger than her heart
Or am I crazy for accepting that ring of life that I thought was the beginning of a new start
As I lay on dried tears I wonder why you don’t speak or why you ignore my presence
How could you ignore something you loved so dear
Or did you ever love me at all
Was I just a trophy wife to go on display
The pain of not having you tears through my soul and shatters the mirror
Pieces of my soul cling to the floor in a million pieces
I fall to the floor hoping to catch the remainder of my soul before it vanishes
As I look at my arms covered in red ink, I think back to when we first met
The pain I expressed to you will never amount to the pain now
I look at a piece of my soul and see my heart in the reflection,
Battered, bruised, and torn apart
I lay on the floor to start a new place for my dried tears as I look at the roof and take one last breath,
Never to cry again
As I lay on dried tears, I look at my life in the mirror
I see my soul glare back at me in disgust, “are you crazy?” it asks
Am I crazy? What a ridiculous question to ask a greedy woman who gives her heart to a female but repeatedly gets it thrown back in her face
Who tries to help better a person but in return weakens herself
Who looks beyond all her pride and mess-ups and yet still isn’t worthy of her trust
Maybe I am crazy…
But am I crazy for falling for a female whose pockets are bigger than her heart
Or am I crazy for accepting that ring of life that I thought was the beginning of a new start
As I lay on dried tears I wonder why you don’t speak or why you ignore my presence
How could you ignore something you loved so dear
Or did you ever love me at all
Was I just a trophy wife to go on display
The pain of not having you tears through my soul and shatters the mirror
Pieces of my soul cling to the floor in a million pieces
I fall to the floor hoping to catch the remainder of my soul before it vanishes
As I look at my arms covered in red ink, I think back to when we first met
The pain I expressed to you will never amount to the pain now
I look at a piece of my soul and see my heart in the reflection,
Battered, bruised, and torn apart
I lay on the floor to start a new place for my dried tears as I look at the roof and take one last breath,
Never to cry again
Friday, August 20, 2010
Caution: Fatties eating!
UGH! I just wrote soooo much. I delete it all. To sum it up... FML. I decided to focus on something more up lifting, to myself and to you girls as while. Dwelling on the shit hole my life is in right now will not help anyone.
SO! last night I went to go see a friend of mine, if I told you how we knew each other you would understand more the runt I'm in. but whatever. I met up with her and some of her friends at a restaurant. I arrived late, purposely to miss them ordering food. I looked really cute mini skirt and 6 inch heals or just about. I arrived to the table to see the most obese girls sitting there. Instantly they hated me. And I laughed. Watching them stuff their faces, as I drink water gave me indescribable pleasure. Cruel? NO! what is cruel is her saying she tried to be vegan for a MONTH! pahaha LIES! this is after I started speaking on how I am vegatarian right after they were taking bites of their fat meaty burgers. lol. Everyone at the table was so intrigued by me, they looked at them in disgust. They ended up saying they were full, and couldn't eat anymore. Good! I saved them 5 out of the 20 lbs they had already gained that nite. Your welcome fat slobs.
Girls, listen carefully. Never be the one at the table eating like these girls. Always be the one consuming the least and feeling the best when you get up. HONEST TO DEATH! We had to move the table out just so they could get out!! I was embarrassed for them.
Love you girls keep up with the battle. It sucks sometimes I know, but in the end we will be victorious. Winter is just around the corner, Here are my personal goals.
---I am sad to admit but I am no longer a size 0. I'm a 2 :( 2's are a little big, I guess i could stuff myself into a 0 but that is just nasty looking but its okay Im working to get back down. I will. I have no choice. OR I wont buy pants. The only way I am going to buy winter jeans is if they are a 0. No exceptions.
--- Also the only sweatshirt sizes I can buy are XS. So that I can add a coat and scarf and not be walking around like a umba lumba.
--- I want to be at least 7lbs lighter. SOON! just to start off with.
So that's that. October is the ultimate fall shopping season. that gives just barely 2 months I guess. Time to do work.
xoxo
SO! last night I went to go see a friend of mine, if I told you how we knew each other you would understand more the runt I'm in. but whatever. I met up with her and some of her friends at a restaurant. I arrived late, purposely to miss them ordering food. I looked really cute mini skirt and 6 inch heals or just about. I arrived to the table to see the most obese girls sitting there. Instantly they hated me. And I laughed. Watching them stuff their faces, as I drink water gave me indescribable pleasure. Cruel? NO! what is cruel is her saying she tried to be vegan for a MONTH! pahaha LIES! this is after I started speaking on how I am vegatarian right after they were taking bites of their fat meaty burgers. lol. Everyone at the table was so intrigued by me, they looked at them in disgust. They ended up saying they were full, and couldn't eat anymore. Good! I saved them 5 out of the 20 lbs they had already gained that nite. Your welcome fat slobs.
Girls, listen carefully. Never be the one at the table eating like these girls. Always be the one consuming the least and feeling the best when you get up. HONEST TO DEATH! We had to move the table out just so they could get out!! I was embarrassed for them.
Love you girls keep up with the battle. It sucks sometimes I know, but in the end we will be victorious. Winter is just around the corner, Here are my personal goals.
---I am sad to admit but I am no longer a size 0. I'm a 2 :( 2's are a little big, I guess i could stuff myself into a 0 but that is just nasty looking but its okay Im working to get back down. I will. I have no choice. OR I wont buy pants. The only way I am going to buy winter jeans is if they are a 0. No exceptions.
--- Also the only sweatshirt sizes I can buy are XS. So that I can add a coat and scarf and not be walking around like a umba lumba.
--- I want to be at least 7lbs lighter. SOON! just to start off with.
So that's that. October is the ultimate fall shopping season. that gives just barely 2 months I guess. Time to do work.
xoxo
Friday, August 13, 2010
Winter bunnies!
ugh... today is a bit blah!
I'm sitting at the car dealership. The man in the cashier booth keeps answering the phone "Its a great day at JimColeman, How may I assist you?" He does it with so much enthusiasm you can tell he really loves his job, I bet he gets paid near to nothing, his life is probably so simple, he goes home eats a tv dinner in the living room and goes to sleep. Wakes up something like 5 am to iron his shirt and tie just to sit in that damn cashiers booth again. Not a care in the world.
My life on the other hand. Is fully of worries. At the beach I was a whale. Literally a fat whale. Everyone else around me is so much skinnier. I feel like a fucking failure. If I thought I needed to be skinny for summer I have to be even skinner for winter. You cant wear jeans, boots, and layers of coats and sweatshirts being fat, it will just make u look fattier. you know your skinny when you can pull off wearing winter clothes and still look thin. My new mission has started.
No, those arent my only worries, but its the only one i have the ability to change. You too. You can do it. stay strong beauties.
xoxo,
ME
oh the car maintenance man just came in and told me all 4 of my tiers need to be changed on my car or they are gonna explode on the highway.... GREeeAT!! I have no money for that, so I guess i gotta take the risk...something else to worry about.
I'm sitting at the car dealership. The man in the cashier booth keeps answering the phone "Its a great day at JimColeman, How may I assist you?" He does it with so much enthusiasm you can tell he really loves his job, I bet he gets paid near to nothing, his life is probably so simple, he goes home eats a tv dinner in the living room and goes to sleep. Wakes up something like 5 am to iron his shirt and tie just to sit in that damn cashiers booth again. Not a care in the world.
My life on the other hand. Is fully of worries. At the beach I was a whale. Literally a fat whale. Everyone else around me is so much skinnier. I feel like a fucking failure. If I thought I needed to be skinny for summer I have to be even skinner for winter. You cant wear jeans, boots, and layers of coats and sweatshirts being fat, it will just make u look fattier. you know your skinny when you can pull off wearing winter clothes and still look thin. My new mission has started.
No, those arent my only worries, but its the only one i have the ability to change. You too. You can do it. stay strong beauties.
xoxo,
ME
oh the car maintenance man just came in and told me all 4 of my tiers need to be changed on my car or they are gonna explode on the highway.... GREeeAT!! I have no money for that, so I guess i gotta take the risk...something else to worry about.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
two thin lesbians
hey ladies!
Hope everyone is doing great, and making great progress! Nothing too much is going on in my life. I'm going to the beach this sunday, with my bff and two of my guy bffs which are gay but they arent together, they should be tho. All three are super super super skinny. I cant be the fattest one there. UGH fml. Plus I need to buy a new bathing suit.
K tells me everyday how skinny I am. I wish she didnt. I think she thinks I have a problem. I dont. Who knows, maybe I do cause I really cant see what she sees. I think shes lying, or shes just doesnt know what skinny is especially in comparison to what shes sees everyday. She only around predominantly fat people. She was giving me a massage the other day, I was naked. and she asked me "Have your ribs always stuck out that much, you really need to start eating meat." Um, that comment was a bit bitter sweet. I wish I could meet someone just like me, and we could both celebrate how sexy we look naked, when we are both thin. U kno? .....
An orange and Almonds today.
I need to clean my room so badly, then going to the gym, its 24 hours. stairmaster again.
Sorry nothing interesting going on in my life for once.
stay strong ladies.
xoxoox
Hope everyone is doing great, and making great progress! Nothing too much is going on in my life. I'm going to the beach this sunday, with my bff and two of my guy bffs which are gay but they arent together, they should be tho. All three are super super super skinny. I cant be the fattest one there. UGH fml. Plus I need to buy a new bathing suit.
K tells me everyday how skinny I am. I wish she didnt. I think she thinks I have a problem. I dont. Who knows, maybe I do cause I really cant see what she sees. I think shes lying, or shes just doesnt know what skinny is especially in comparison to what shes sees everyday. She only around predominantly fat people. She was giving me a massage the other day, I was naked. and she asked me "Have your ribs always stuck out that much, you really need to start eating meat." Um, that comment was a bit bitter sweet. I wish I could meet someone just like me, and we could both celebrate how sexy we look naked, when we are both thin. U kno? .....
An orange and Almonds today.
I need to clean my room so badly, then going to the gym, its 24 hours. stairmaster again.
Sorry nothing interesting going on in my life for once.
stay strong ladies.
xoxoox
Thursday, July 29, 2010
lost 4lbs!!
Today is a good morning. Last nite was my first day at my new serving job and I am very happy with what I made, in one night. Then walked to the scale this morning and Wallah!! Down 4! Finally I am getting my body back. I'm gonna keep up with my liquid fast except for 100 cal yogurt for breakfast which i have to have since I am on antibiotics for my skin. My skin is doing alot better.
Minor drama in my life. but nothing I cant handle. Me and K are back on my decision, i did miss her, even tho her ex is having a shit fit all over the damn place. UGH dumb ex girlfriends. K really likes me. Too bad I am dark and twisted... i wont let her in. I am strangely happy with it tho-- ive never had someone like me so much when i rele give them no reason to. She says I am hard to get. I suppose I am. I like being protected and shes like the chase so its a great combo... go figure. Last nite she said she got me gifts. OH JOY! I love gifts. I told her yesterday... i expect the worst from ppl so its only a matter of time before she fucks up and ill be gone. LOL who says that... I do? So she takes that as a challenge and is doing everything in her power to be perfect. Can it really be that easy?
Oh also Ive been hitting up the gym again. Stairmaster burned 1100 cal i saw that and i still think its a mistake. BUT stairmaster it is again today. LUV you girls. Stay strong. Dont loose site of what you want most. Do what makes you feel happy, and if that means having a body that is thin, petite, light, and fragile Do it! Its too hot these days to be carrying around all that weight anyway.
MUCH LUV xoxox,
Tara
Minor drama in my life. but nothing I cant handle. Me and K are back on my decision, i did miss her, even tho her ex is having a shit fit all over the damn place. UGH dumb ex girlfriends. K really likes me. Too bad I am dark and twisted... i wont let her in. I am strangely happy with it tho-- ive never had someone like me so much when i rele give them no reason to. She says I am hard to get. I suppose I am. I like being protected and shes like the chase so its a great combo... go figure. Last nite she said she got me gifts. OH JOY! I love gifts. I told her yesterday... i expect the worst from ppl so its only a matter of time before she fucks up and ill be gone. LOL who says that... I do? So she takes that as a challenge and is doing everything in her power to be perfect. Can it really be that easy?
Oh also Ive been hitting up the gym again. Stairmaster burned 1100 cal i saw that and i still think its a mistake. BUT stairmaster it is again today. LUV you girls. Stay strong. Dont loose site of what you want most. Do what makes you feel happy, and if that means having a body that is thin, petite, light, and fragile Do it! Its too hot these days to be carrying around all that weight anyway.
MUCH LUV xoxox,
Tara
Monday, July 26, 2010
sexy or thin...?
Yesterday... I literally slept all day. Mostly because I was hungover like shit. But also because I was pretty depressed. That nite before was pretty dramatic, long story short I woke up my eyes swollwen nearly shut from crying, walked out of K's house before everyone woke up as soon as i could drive and will never see her or any of them every again. My choice. I knew I wasnt going to allow it to last forever just never knew how it would end. Ironically the tears werent even for K... strangely enough drunken me was thinking about her. UGH yeah somehow I still think about her from time to time. who knows.....? Sucha long story, not gonna get into it, its not important.
What is important is my plan for weight lost today. I'm on my cycle today so I have cramps so i need to take some motrin, which complicates things because I cant take it on an empty stomach. Cereal or Yorgurt? That will be all I have for the day.
Oh n that reminds me. My mom is being weird again. She calls from work and tells me everything I could have in the house for lunch. Mind you- I just woke up. So I'm like ok mom watever. Then she asks, so what are u gonna have? Like wtf why are u concerned from work about wat I will have. I told her I'm going back to sleep n hung up. If she starts this up again, we are gonna have problems.
I am having issues tho, and it is primarily the reason why I got off track. I am constantly being conflicted with ideas of being sexy or being thin. Kim K is sexy she has boobs and she has an ass. But being thin-- especially me I have no boobs mostly cause I had none to start with and no ass. which isnt necessarily sexy. But lets say hypothetically i was Kim K size I would constantly feel fat and not sexy. So i donno.... either way I'm not gonna feel sexy. Just that being thin Ill feel best knowing I'm not fat. Srry if thats confusing.
What is important is my plan for weight lost today. I'm on my cycle today so I have cramps so i need to take some motrin, which complicates things because I cant take it on an empty stomach. Cereal or Yorgurt? That will be all I have for the day.
Oh n that reminds me. My mom is being weird again. She calls from work and tells me everything I could have in the house for lunch. Mind you- I just woke up. So I'm like ok mom watever. Then she asks, so what are u gonna have? Like wtf why are u concerned from work about wat I will have. I told her I'm going back to sleep n hung up. If she starts this up again, we are gonna have problems.
I am having issues tho, and it is primarily the reason why I got off track. I am constantly being conflicted with ideas of being sexy or being thin. Kim K is sexy she has boobs and she has an ass. But being thin-- especially me I have no boobs mostly cause I had none to start with and no ass. which isnt necessarily sexy. But lets say hypothetically i was Kim K size I would constantly feel fat and not sexy. So i donno.... either way I'm not gonna feel sexy. Just that being thin Ill feel best knowing I'm not fat. Srry if thats confusing.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
INTERNET IS BACKKKKKKKKK!!!!
OMGGGGGGGGGG GIRLSS I'M FUCKING BACK!!!!!!
MY MOM IS SUCHA DICK !! A BIG FUCKING COCK!!! SHE COMPLETELY DISCONNECTED MY INTERNET ALL SUMMER. I JUST GOT IT BACK ON TODAY. I SWEAR SHE MUST OF FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS SITE. AND AS SOON AS SHE NOTICED I HAVE GOTTEN MORBIDLY OBESE SHE CONNECTED IT BACK!! ASS FUCK OF A MOTHER.
I've thought about you everyday. I swear on my life. ive been soooo lost. and confused. thus i am disgustingly fat and sweaty. it doesn't help that its hell on earth lately-- 104 degrees or sumthing. but if i was skinnier i wouldn't be this damn hot cause i wouldn't have this much fat on me.
and the saddest part is when i tried to go to barnes and nobles or something to try in get connected i couldnt remember my password. ugh i was miserable. I am also so ashamed and embrassed to come back. I'm so sorry ive fallen off. and didnt keep my promise. all i wanted to do was perfect my page and be help to everyone. But thats all in the pass now, i am here. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
I miss u girls so much. I have so much catching up to do. U made me happier then ever 35 followers. xoxoxoxoxoo! lol and the comments about where I am just made me so happy.
So I am starting a new. I need to drop sum lbs fast! I've been fasting on and off but its nothing compared to how I use to do-- i was kinda a hardass. lol (omg the troll just walked in --- ive gotta be more careful ) I am embarrassed to say what I am now, but believe me u would be so dissappointed. ill do stats again once I get down to a resemble size.
Enough about me-- i gotta learn about the new followers and catch up on the ones i love so much.
*** remember we can always get back on track. and start fresh tomorrow. ***
&&hearts,
Tara
MY MOM IS SUCHA DICK !! A BIG FUCKING COCK!!! SHE COMPLETELY DISCONNECTED MY INTERNET ALL SUMMER. I JUST GOT IT BACK ON TODAY. I SWEAR SHE MUST OF FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS SITE. AND AS SOON AS SHE NOTICED I HAVE GOTTEN MORBIDLY OBESE SHE CONNECTED IT BACK!! ASS FUCK OF A MOTHER.
I've thought about you everyday. I swear on my life. ive been soooo lost. and confused. thus i am disgustingly fat and sweaty. it doesn't help that its hell on earth lately-- 104 degrees or sumthing. but if i was skinnier i wouldn't be this damn hot cause i wouldn't have this much fat on me.
and the saddest part is when i tried to go to barnes and nobles or something to try in get connected i couldnt remember my password. ugh i was miserable. I am also so ashamed and embrassed to come back. I'm so sorry ive fallen off. and didnt keep my promise. all i wanted to do was perfect my page and be help to everyone. But thats all in the pass now, i am here. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
I miss u girls so much. I have so much catching up to do. U made me happier then ever 35 followers. xoxoxoxoxoo! lol and the comments about where I am just made me so happy.
So I am starting a new. I need to drop sum lbs fast! I've been fasting on and off but its nothing compared to how I use to do-- i was kinda a hardass. lol (omg the troll just walked in --- ive gotta be more careful ) I am embarrassed to say what I am now, but believe me u would be so dissappointed. ill do stats again once I get down to a resemble size.
Enough about me-- i gotta learn about the new followers and catch up on the ones i love so much.
*** remember we can always get back on track. and start fresh tomorrow. ***
&&hearts,
Tara
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Drinks anyone?
Just when I thought I could make it a whole day without drinking, life proves me wrong.
i think i was prettier fat.
but I am happier now....
or am I?
fml
i think i was prettier fat.
but I am happier now....
or am I?
fml
Thursday, June 3, 2010
UGHHH FML my life is in shambles!
I know its been so long... I am so sorry girls. I really dont know what is wrong with me lately. I think my life is going to shit lol. So this blog will be about me trying to figgure out my life.
First and foremost-- I am having extreeme body image issue. Here they are:
I am FAT!
Everyone thinks I am too skinny.-- And I like how I look when I look in the mirror but not in pics? In pictures I look too skinny but in the mirror I look and feel fat. I donno what to believe. fml
I have no boobs! / I look like a 12 yr old boy. I hate it.
WHY do I still have acne!?????
I need hair extensions!
Solutions:
Fast tomorrow fat ass!!!!!
I dont care what others think, as long as I am happy. I hate being fat so they can fuck off.
I NEED a boobjob!!! ASAP!!!!!! I wouldnt mind a nose job either. I'm off on tuesday so maybe I should make an appointment. (i'm gonna need to make money...)
Acne: I need to get back on birth control my skin was alot better then. Also should look into lasering off MY FACE!!!!!!
I need money to buy some hair lol
I need to be sexier - more attractive. I need to not look like a kid. I'm fucking 21 years old for God's sake!!
I need to go to victoria secrets!
I need more clothes
I need more makeup!!!!!!
As far as my life is concerned:
I need to make more money. I need to make more money
I need to find a job. A real job. asap.
I really want to be able to have a set amount of money in my bank, and not go below that. I'll start with $500 then hopefully I can manage to keep at least $1000 in the bank. But how!? When I need to get all these things??
Love life:
I'm so confused. I donno if I should stop being so selective or I should be more selective. for instance:
I guess I cant be that bad looking because I get guys, and girls but I always dismiss them or give them the wrong number. What I could start doing is actually be more open and give everyone at least the time of day even if it is just to entertain me.
Or I could really start looking for that person that I can settle down with. The one that has a good job, making lots of money. No drama and ready to wife me pay for everything. Therefore I'll be financially satified, thus everything I want that requires money-- I can get. To find this person I really need to change where I hang out. I need a sugar daddy/ mama.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FML !
the beach was fucking amazing. I was the skinniest person there--- but still felt so fat. I am ! fml. I need to lose soooooo much weight. Honestly thinking about losing weight makes me so happy and calm. I just need to fucking do it! Its my fault I have been MIA and I only get my strength from u girls so I need to make this back in my daily routine.
The beach with K was great accept still no sex!! we were both on our cycles. fml. and some other shyt. I think shes a little too much drama for me. SHes gonna be good for sex (if we ever get there) and to buy me things.
I love these girls. Whitney Port is my thinspiration
First and foremost-- I am having extreeme body image issue. Here they are:
I am FAT!
Everyone thinks I am too skinny.-- And I like how I look when I look in the mirror but not in pics? In pictures I look too skinny but in the mirror I look and feel fat. I donno what to believe. fml
I have no boobs! / I look like a 12 yr old boy. I hate it.
WHY do I still have acne!?????
I need hair extensions!
Solutions:
Fast tomorrow fat ass!!!!!
I dont care what others think, as long as I am happy. I hate being fat so they can fuck off.
I NEED a boobjob!!! ASAP!!!!!! I wouldnt mind a nose job either. I'm off on tuesday so maybe I should make an appointment. (i'm gonna need to make money...)
Acne: I need to get back on birth control my skin was alot better then. Also should look into lasering off MY FACE!!!!!!
I need money to buy some hair lol
I need to be sexier - more attractive. I need to not look like a kid. I'm fucking 21 years old for God's sake!!
I need to go to victoria secrets!
I need more clothes
I need more makeup!!!!!!
As far as my life is concerned:
I need to make more money. I need to make more money
I need to find a job. A real job. asap.
I really want to be able to have a set amount of money in my bank, and not go below that. I'll start with $500 then hopefully I can manage to keep at least $1000 in the bank. But how!? When I need to get all these things??
Love life:
I'm so confused. I donno if I should stop being so selective or I should be more selective. for instance:
I guess I cant be that bad looking because I get guys, and girls but I always dismiss them or give them the wrong number. What I could start doing is actually be more open and give everyone at least the time of day even if it is just to entertain me.
Or I could really start looking for that person that I can settle down with. The one that has a good job, making lots of money. No drama and ready to wife me pay for everything. Therefore I'll be financially satified, thus everything I want that requires money-- I can get. To find this person I really need to change where I hang out. I need a sugar daddy/ mama.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FML !
the beach was fucking amazing. I was the skinniest person there--- but still felt so fat. I am ! fml. I need to lose soooooo much weight. Honestly thinking about losing weight makes me so happy and calm. I just need to fucking do it! Its my fault I have been MIA and I only get my strength from u girls so I need to make this back in my daily routine.
The beach with K was great accept still no sex!! we were both on our cycles. fml. and some other shyt. I think shes a little too much drama for me. SHes gonna be good for sex (if we ever get there) and to buy me things.
I love these girls. Whitney Port is my thinspiration
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
2 more days then beach!
Right now, I am in a OCD crazy girl mode. It's driving me insane so I need to succumb to it so I can get on with my day. Because of yet I am just walking around in circles. So After this I need to clean/dust/ probably rearrange everything I am only allowing myself a limited amount of time to do this because of actually have shit to do today! like- go to the bank, meet up with K, pack for the beach. Which will probably result in me going to the mall at some point.
On another note my weight is driving me insane! Everyone thinks I am so skinny!? I dont understand what they see. I dont see it! I need to lose like 5+ more lbs. And I fuck up all the time-- lately I keep snacking on veggies. I kno that veggies are not a big deal but its the fact that I am not in control-- I shud be able to better control not eating when I dont want to i have been trying to fast for weeks but i keep fucking up! So i feel like shit. So today- fast. Tomorrow-fast. At the beach I will stay in control. even tho ill b on my cycle :(
AHHHHH this will not be me!! Or you girls! Stay strong. <3 <3 <3
On another note my weight is driving me insane! Everyone thinks I am so skinny!? I dont understand what they see. I dont see it! I need to lose like 5+ more lbs. And I fuck up all the time-- lately I keep snacking on veggies. I kno that veggies are not a big deal but its the fact that I am not in control-- I shud be able to better control not eating when I dont want to i have been trying to fast for weeks but i keep fucking up! So i feel like shit. So today- fast. Tomorrow-fast. At the beach I will stay in control. even tho ill b on my cycle :(
AHHHHH this will not be me!! Or you girls! Stay strong. <3 <3 <3
Monday, May 24, 2010
Think Thin!
ok its been way too long. but no matter what I am always dedicated to you girls even in my absence. My family all finally left yesterday. THANK GOODNESS! Having them all in my room, in my space everywhere I turn was difficult. and so annoying. Today I slept most of the day because I was so mentally exhausted. I did manage to escape saturday nite, got completely hammered, gracefully feel down some stairs which is also another reason why I slept in because I was still so sore and tired. its okay you can laugh. lol
Ive been avoiding that dreadful weight machine aka scale. I dont wanna know. But my family has been really on my case about being too skinny. LIARS! So i guess I am on the right track. tehehe. Today from being in the bed all day. I took a 2 hr walk. Prior to the walk I only had raw veggies. Right now I am empty, I like it.
I am going to the beach in 3 days with K and some friends. Should be an interesting trip. I am excited to get out of here, and lay out. I rele must strategically figure out how to go about K. What I want: To have a completely different personality. Like how the celebrities do it. Think- Lady Gaga. She has this whole persona other then herself. I wanna do that. But how? I want to be completely cocky/confident, sexy, outgoing, non-dull, fun crazy person, that always has something to say. I want to be completely undeniable completely desired, wanted-- needed but untouchable at the same time like celebrities. Is that possible? I need to find this person, become her, and keep me- Tara hidden, protected, safe. I'll google how to... become a new person. I'm sure it wll be on google.
As for tomorrow. I would really like to fast- completely. For the first time since finals. Think beach Tara, Think bathing suit. Think fat thighs. Think Thin!
We can do it. We can do it. We have to! Skinny, and light, carefree adored by all. Stay strong. Stay focused. We don't need food. We dont!!
Ive been avoiding that dreadful weight machine aka scale. I dont wanna know. But my family has been really on my case about being too skinny. LIARS! So i guess I am on the right track. tehehe. Today from being in the bed all day. I took a 2 hr walk. Prior to the walk I only had raw veggies. Right now I am empty, I like it.
I am going to the beach in 3 days with K and some friends. Should be an interesting trip. I am excited to get out of here, and lay out. I rele must strategically figure out how to go about K. What I want: To have a completely different personality. Like how the celebrities do it. Think- Lady Gaga. She has this whole persona other then herself. I wanna do that. But how? I want to be completely cocky/confident, sexy, outgoing, non-dull, fun crazy person, that always has something to say. I want to be completely undeniable completely desired, wanted-- needed but untouchable at the same time like celebrities. Is that possible? I need to find this person, become her, and keep me- Tara hidden, protected, safe. I'll google how to... become a new person. I'm sure it wll be on google.
As for tomorrow. I would really like to fast- completely. For the first time since finals. Think beach Tara, Think bathing suit. Think fat thighs. Think Thin!
We can do it. We can do it. We have to! Skinny, and light, carefree adored by all. Stay strong. Stay focused. We don't need food. We dont!!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I'm alive.
hey ladies!
I hope all of you are doing well. For me-- its about the same. I graduate on Saturday. YAY! However thinking of Friday has been giving me alot of anxiety lately. All of my family is coming up... UGH!! I don't wanna be bothered. I see these ppl like one weekend out of the year another then that its just me and my mom occasionally. Just because we are related somehow doesn't mean anything, they are basically strangers lol U kno?? And now i am forced to be cooped up with them this weekend and put on a smile that I am just so happy to be missing out on hanging out with my friends .... Like my little cousins all I remember growing up was beating the shyt out of them. No literally. Why didn't my mom get it then-- I don't like being forced to be around these ppl and now they are coming to my house, Oh JOY!!! I need to find a way to escape.
Oh and all my mom is concerned about is orchestrating what we will all be eating. IS that just me, or is that all she is talking about. her conversation is when they get here we will eat here, saturday I made reservations here, sunday we are gonna have this bigggg brunch before they leave. I just wanna scream: ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS FOOD!!!!
So as you can imagine I have been really anxious. Ive started blow drying my face. The hot air, which burns feels good. It helps instead of picking. Today I couldnt resist tho and went to my legs. I have been trying to not disfigure my face lately since im sure there are gonna be alot of pictures taken. I really am starting to hate hate hate pictures. UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I've rearranged my room again. I just wanna relax. Vodka cranberry and Harry Potter tonite ladies.
Stay strong. love ya mucho!!
I hope all of you are doing well. For me-- its about the same. I graduate on Saturday. YAY! However thinking of Friday has been giving me alot of anxiety lately. All of my family is coming up... UGH!! I don't wanna be bothered. I see these ppl like one weekend out of the year another then that its just me and my mom occasionally. Just because we are related somehow doesn't mean anything, they are basically strangers lol U kno?? And now i am forced to be cooped up with them this weekend and put on a smile that I am just so happy to be missing out on hanging out with my friends .... Like my little cousins all I remember growing up was beating the shyt out of them. No literally. Why didn't my mom get it then-- I don't like being forced to be around these ppl and now they are coming to my house, Oh JOY!!! I need to find a way to escape.
Oh and all my mom is concerned about is orchestrating what we will all be eating. IS that just me, or is that all she is talking about. her conversation is when they get here we will eat here, saturday I made reservations here, sunday we are gonna have this bigggg brunch before they leave. I just wanna scream: ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS FOOD!!!!
So as you can imagine I have been really anxious. Ive started blow drying my face. The hot air, which burns feels good. It helps instead of picking. Today I couldnt resist tho and went to my legs. I have been trying to not disfigure my face lately since im sure there are gonna be alot of pictures taken. I really am starting to hate hate hate pictures. UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I've rearranged my room again. I just wanna relax. Vodka cranberry and Harry Potter tonite ladies.
Stay strong. love ya mucho!!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
best day of my LIFE
today has been the BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!! lol
I am DONE with school!! fasting is going well. Seeing K in a few hours. OMG can you believe it actually am having a semi- decent conversation with her . Turns out she has my textbook too and we need to exchange....
So yeah. Back on the weight loss journey after last nite. And I am happy. I am happiest when I am losing weight i think. I learned that I suck at maintaining weight.
Cant wait to see K, i hope hope hope something happens. LOL then I can just blame it on being drunk. teehehehehe
I am DONE with school!! fasting is going well. Seeing K in a few hours. OMG can you believe it actually am having a semi- decent conversation with her . Turns out she has my textbook too and we need to exchange....
So yeah. Back on the weight loss journey after last nite. And I am happy. I am happiest when I am losing weight i think. I learned that I suck at maintaining weight.
Cant wait to see K, i hope hope hope something happens. LOL then I can just blame it on being drunk. teehehehehe
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Epic failure...
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... i feel horrible!!
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.....
i just ate so much bread. WHYYYYYYYYYYY!?
todays intake was 710 cal. KILL ME! like 600 of that was bread. I wanna cry.
I just got back from buying size 0 jeans... they were so cute. When I wake up tomorrow I'm not going to be able to fit them.
I'm fasting tomorrow. I am fasting tomorrow I am fasting tomorrow. STARVE asshole! ur getting fat! Thursday I am working out. I cant seat around the house anymore. And mom need to get the bread out of this house!!!!! She did this on purpose!! Who buys two loafs of bread at a time. cruel cruel women!
Today was a failure. This week has been a failure. I will get it back. I will get back on track. I will not fuck up anymore.
[crunches until I throw up... perhaps I should try to throw up]
oh and why is my face still breaking out! I AM 21 years OLD!!! I wash my face all the time I dont drink sodas or eat greasy foods. I dont understand. Right now I want to lazer my face off! and all this fat. THATS IT! NEW goal weight is 105!
My body obviously doesn't know what to do with itself unless I'm losing weight so... there! Now I can work toward something.
This was earlier this week.... too bad I no I have gained alot tonite alone. fml I will get back there and further.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.....
i just ate so much bread. WHYYYYYYYYYYY!?
todays intake was 710 cal. KILL ME! like 600 of that was bread. I wanna cry.
I just got back from buying size 0 jeans... they were so cute. When I wake up tomorrow I'm not going to be able to fit them.
I'm fasting tomorrow. I am fasting tomorrow I am fasting tomorrow. STARVE asshole! ur getting fat! Thursday I am working out. I cant seat around the house anymore. And mom need to get the bread out of this house!!!!! She did this on purpose!! Who buys two loafs of bread at a time. cruel cruel women!
Today was a failure. This week has been a failure. I will get it back. I will get back on track. I will not fuck up anymore.
[crunches until I throw up... perhaps I should try to throw up]
oh and why is my face still breaking out! I AM 21 years OLD!!! I wash my face all the time I dont drink sodas or eat greasy foods. I dont understand. Right now I want to lazer my face off! and all this fat. THATS IT! NEW goal weight is 105!
My body obviously doesn't know what to do with itself unless I'm losing weight so... there! Now I can work toward something.
This was earlier this week.... too bad I no I have gained alot tonite alone. fml I will get back there and further.
Bigger is NOT better
Yesterday, my mind was a wreck. Still I cant focus on studying. My last tests are tomorrow ... omg and I can't care any less if I pass or fail. I just want it to be over with!!
Well, K totally asked me to go with her to the beach. SOOOO excited. Then my bff L will be down the same weekend so ill probably stay an extra week or so. This means I really need to get down, further. I wanna be super thin. more more more!!
The only sucky thing about being thin is I have no boobs. NONE! they are gone! I love boobs, I always wish I had them. If I had alot of money, id get boob implants and maybe a nose job.
Oh God! I just threw up a little bit in my mouth! That will not be me!! Her ass is swallowing her bottoms... Even if K expressed she likes a lil junk in the trunk, ill teach her to appreciate the finer, thinner things in life. lol
right now I need to:
1- try and focus for 1 hour
2- go to the mall need to get some skinny jeans for tommorrow nite. Drinks with K :)
3- watch the hills!!!!!! i <3 <3 <3 the hills
4- figure out my hair situation for tomorrow...
Well, K totally asked me to go with her to the beach. SOOOO excited. Then my bff L will be down the same weekend so ill probably stay an extra week or so. This means I really need to get down, further. I wanna be super thin. more more more!!
The only sucky thing about being thin is I have no boobs. NONE! they are gone! I love boobs, I always wish I had them. If I had alot of money, id get boob implants and maybe a nose job.
Oh God! I just threw up a little bit in my mouth! That will not be me!! Her ass is swallowing her bottoms... Even if K expressed she likes a lil junk in the trunk, ill teach her to appreciate the finer, thinner things in life. lol
right now I need to:
1- try and focus for 1 hour
2- go to the mall need to get some skinny jeans for tommorrow nite. Drinks with K :)
3- watch the hills!!!!!! i <3 <3 <3 the hills
4- figure out my hair situation for tomorrow...
Monday, May 10, 2010
beautiful disaster ...
OMG I just watched Engaged and Underage on MTV with the cutest lesbian couple. It almost makes me want to be in a relationship again and God-forbid get married. lol. They were just so damn cute, and funny ... just obviously shows how emotional and dramatic girls can be lol but you gotta love it. Damn. A itty bitty part of me misses it, that happy times, as few as they were.
FUCK MY LIFE! what's wrong with me. whats wrong with me. If I hate someone so much, looking at them makes me sick, all I want to do is forget they ever existed why do I still think about the past. I have never in my life had a problem forgetting people, why is this so damn fucking difficult. Like my mind just slips into thoughts of her WHYYY!! I honest to God I dont want to remember anymore. Whats wrong with me. Then I start thinking-- no way in hell would she ever think that i even care anymore, i never show it I put on a good act, I would appear to hate her. I do! But maybe she does the same thing, maybe she still thinks about me but doesnt show it. No, no, no she doesn't. I pushed her away too many times, I made sure she hates me with everything I said, she deserved it. I cant let myself forget, she deserved it. Shes a horrible person.
She hates me, its mutual...
This is what I am scared off. I've fucking moved off campus to get away from her, everything. I threw away most of my memories, dropped a necklace in the bottom of the lake, I "blocked" her out of my life but I still have these moments. WHY isnt everything I am doing to forget working. Now school is basically over-- what if still STILL i think about her. Basically I need away to guarantee that after graduation I will never think of her. I want to close this chapter of my life and everything in it. Like a book -- close it and put it on the shelve to collect dust, and forget its there. Do I still need closure or something, like a proper closure. Only thing is I dont wanna talk about us, what went wrong. All I would want to say is have a good life.I dont wanna have hard feelings anymore, i feel like this is the only way i can move on with my life. But at the same time I dont wanna be the only one who is still stuck.
Even crazier tho is the ppl in our lives ... still connect us. K used to date her ex and T and I use to "date" somewhat. like wtf. OHHH and lastly, I have her textbook. I used this semester... which i should be studying right now. But should I txt her like I have your book ... or just sell it.
The point is I dont wanna move on passed graduation and still feel someway about her. I just want closure, so that all these memories and emotions can die. Officially!!
Sorry for rambling ... back to what is actually important in my life.
breakfast- oatmeal
lunch--
dinner--
I'm in the mood to fast for the rest of the day. I need a good empty feeling right now. I'm also thinking I need to be 105-- i havent made it official yet, but its lurking in the back of my mind. it will surface soon enough and I will make it my official new GW... in time
i rele need to study. after wednesday, its you girls, me and a scale .. my only concerns. <3 <3 <3 u girls. Stay strong, for me! You can do it.
FUCK MY LIFE! what's wrong with me. whats wrong with me. If I hate someone so much, looking at them makes me sick, all I want to do is forget they ever existed why do I still think about the past. I have never in my life had a problem forgetting people, why is this so damn fucking difficult. Like my mind just slips into thoughts of her WHYYY!! I honest to God I dont want to remember anymore. Whats wrong with me. Then I start thinking-- no way in hell would she ever think that i even care anymore, i never show it I put on a good act, I would appear to hate her. I do! But maybe she does the same thing, maybe she still thinks about me but doesnt show it. No, no, no she doesn't. I pushed her away too many times, I made sure she hates me with everything I said, she deserved it. I cant let myself forget, she deserved it. Shes a horrible person.
She hates me, its mutual...
This is what I am scared off. I've fucking moved off campus to get away from her, everything. I threw away most of my memories, dropped a necklace in the bottom of the lake, I "blocked" her out of my life but I still have these moments. WHY isnt everything I am doing to forget working. Now school is basically over-- what if still STILL i think about her. Basically I need away to guarantee that after graduation I will never think of her. I want to close this chapter of my life and everything in it. Like a book -- close it and put it on the shelve to collect dust, and forget its there. Do I still need closure or something, like a proper closure. Only thing is I dont wanna talk about us, what went wrong. All I would want to say is have a good life.I dont wanna have hard feelings anymore, i feel like this is the only way i can move on with my life. But at the same time I dont wanna be the only one who is still stuck.
Even crazier tho is the ppl in our lives ... still connect us. K used to date her ex and T and I use to "date" somewhat. like wtf. OHHH and lastly, I have her textbook. I used this semester... which i should be studying right now. But should I txt her like I have your book ... or just sell it.
The point is I dont wanna move on passed graduation and still feel someway about her. I just want closure, so that all these memories and emotions can die. Officially!!
Sorry for rambling ... back to what is actually important in my life.
breakfast- oatmeal
lunch--
dinner--
I'm in the mood to fast for the rest of the day. I need a good empty feeling right now. I'm also thinking I need to be 105-- i havent made it official yet, but its lurking in the back of my mind. it will surface soon enough and I will make it my official new GW... in time
i rele need to study. after wednesday, its you girls, me and a scale .. my only concerns. <3 <3 <3 u girls. Stay strong, for me! You can do it.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mothers day from Hell!
omg... ill be happy when the fucking day is over. My mom is soooo damn annoying. I can't stand being around her for more than 2 minutes. She says I'm rude and disrespectful blah blah blah... thats not it at all. I barely say anything and actually a perfect day is if I get away with not saying anything. If engaging in conversation pisses me off, (and it can be really simple questions usually questions shes asked like BILLION times ) then Id rather do us both a favor and just go about my business avoiding her.
And sometimes i'll force myself (like today) to be "pleasant" and it usually makes me feel like I need to break everything in the house. I donno why everything just disgust me about her....like I just want to be like UGH!!! STOP TALKING TO ME!!
things which i can figure caused this:
1. i think shes a whore
2. she just sleeps around with different ppl im sure like ur almost 50 chill out that shits nasty!!
3. she bought sex toys
4. she dresses like a whore when her friends come over
5. shes a home wrecker
6. she eats ... too much then talks about needing to lose weight
7. she cant do shit on her own, she always needs help or something. she asks helpless.
8. i hate how she always asking me question about future things. Like I dont wanna think about anything pass today!! stop asking me questions about thinks i dont wanna think about!! AHHHH!! so annoying.
9. no i dont wanna have a graduation party. i dont wanna hang out with you. and pretend like I am having such a great time with who ever...
10. stop talking about graduation!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont wanna think about it until I am there. yea ill be happy to be graduating unless u keep asking me am i happy. NO i dont wanna invite any friends over !!!!!
11. I dont wanna hang out with you and your fucking boyfriend. LIKE WTF why would i want to do that.
12. I dont wanna fucking hear you kissing or whatever else...
13. dont tell me how to drive or what lane i should be in.
14. dont ask me about my weight, if i ate today.
15. I wish you didnt drink all the time.
16. I wish u werent a sloppy annoying drunk
17. I wish you had a life outside your boyfriends. like get a hobby.
I just wanna be left alone. I am happy when Im alone.
Like dont fucking judge me or give me advice about my life when you suck at life yourself. Dont try and tell me why I am the way I am. Look at yourself.
And sometimes i'll force myself (like today) to be "pleasant" and it usually makes me feel like I need to break everything in the house. I donno why everything just disgust me about her....like I just want to be like UGH!!! STOP TALKING TO ME!!
things which i can figure caused this:
1. i think shes a whore
2. she just sleeps around with different ppl im sure like ur almost 50 chill out that shits nasty!!
3. she bought sex toys
4. she dresses like a whore when her friends come over
5. shes a home wrecker
6. she eats ... too much then talks about needing to lose weight
7. she cant do shit on her own, she always needs help or something. she asks helpless.
8. i hate how she always asking me question about future things. Like I dont wanna think about anything pass today!! stop asking me questions about thinks i dont wanna think about!! AHHHH!! so annoying.
9. no i dont wanna have a graduation party. i dont wanna hang out with you. and pretend like I am having such a great time with who ever...
10. stop talking about graduation!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont wanna think about it until I am there. yea ill be happy to be graduating unless u keep asking me am i happy. NO i dont wanna invite any friends over !!!!!
11. I dont wanna hang out with you and your fucking boyfriend. LIKE WTF why would i want to do that.
12. I dont wanna fucking hear you kissing or whatever else...
13. dont tell me how to drive or what lane i should be in.
14. dont ask me about my weight, if i ate today.
15. I wish you didnt drink all the time.
16. I wish u werent a sloppy annoying drunk
17. I wish you had a life outside your boyfriends. like get a hobby.
I just wanna be left alone. I am happy when Im alone.
Like dont fucking judge me or give me advice about my life when you suck at life yourself. Dont try and tell me why I am the way I am. Look at yourself.
Feeling a bit slutty.
My camera is malfunctioning... actually for some reason I cant figure out technology right now. I dont understand when updates happen everything is so confusing I dont like change.
So now I dont know how to upload facebook pics or pics on here in general. I took a pic of me standing on the scale it said 109. that was maybe 2 days ago, I'm sure I have gained. The stresses of school have been making me eat somewhat. But just mostly salad and granola. OH and alot of bread. You would think I am prego as much bread I have been craving.
Bread with honey, plain bread, rolling the bread into balls, crumpling bread into my salad, and veggie sandwiches with toasted bread. Like WTF body. My mom even went out and brought 2 loafs of bread because she saw how much I was eating it. AHHH WTF!
The upside is each slice is only 70 cals. still alot. today I already at 5 slices. breakfast: 2 slices with honey and 3 slices with my salad. ughhh I should throw the rest away. Its funny because I havent been so crazy about bread since I was younger-- bread use to be my snacks. (i was a weird kid i guess)
Hmmm.... the rest of my life is Who know's... I can't wait for wednesday I get to see K. I kinda told her last nite when I was drunk that I want her body... in not so many words. Probably just "i want you". Totally forgot until a couple hours ago when a slew of ppl call/ text me about all the funny voicemails I left. UGH u gotta love drunk dialing right. Well K liked what I told her and so Wed should be interesting. :) I need sex so I'm down for absolutely everything. tehehehe sorry I'm being a little slut whore lol.
Tomorrow I am gonna be back on track, and make sure I am still at or below my gw. Thursday starts working out.
I hope you girls are doing ok. Sorry I've been gone for so long. Wed is the only day I have finals exams, so I gotta "study" up until then. And Then 100% dedication. I really need to fix my blog. Anyone know how to make my pic bigger??? I want it to cover the whole top of my page. Stay strong skinnies!
So now I dont know how to upload facebook pics or pics on here in general. I took a pic of me standing on the scale it said 109. that was maybe 2 days ago, I'm sure I have gained. The stresses of school have been making me eat somewhat. But just mostly salad and granola. OH and alot of bread. You would think I am prego as much bread I have been craving.
Bread with honey, plain bread, rolling the bread into balls, crumpling bread into my salad, and veggie sandwiches with toasted bread. Like WTF body. My mom even went out and brought 2 loafs of bread because she saw how much I was eating it. AHHH WTF!
The upside is each slice is only 70 cals. still alot. today I already at 5 slices. breakfast: 2 slices with honey and 3 slices with my salad. ughhh I should throw the rest away. Its funny because I havent been so crazy about bread since I was younger-- bread use to be my snacks. (i was a weird kid i guess)
Hmmm.... the rest of my life is Who know's... I can't wait for wednesday I get to see K. I kinda told her last nite when I was drunk that I want her body... in not so many words. Probably just "i want you". Totally forgot until a couple hours ago when a slew of ppl call/ text me about all the funny voicemails I left. UGH u gotta love drunk dialing right. Well K liked what I told her and so Wed should be interesting. :) I need sex so I'm down for absolutely everything. tehehehe sorry I'm being a little slut whore lol.
Tomorrow I am gonna be back on track, and make sure I am still at or below my gw. Thursday starts working out.
I hope you girls are doing ok. Sorry I've been gone for so long. Wed is the only day I have finals exams, so I gotta "study" up until then. And Then 100% dedication. I really need to fix my blog. Anyone know how to make my pic bigger??? I want it to cover the whole top of my page. Stay strong skinnies!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
plz someone shoot me!!!!!!!
omg this is gonna be absolutely horrible!! they moved the tables into a big fucking circle!! this every one can see everyone eat. this is horrible. so the entire class will see me not eat I'm gonna b the only one!!! I'm having the worst panic attack right now I can't breathe. yea and she is soooooo able to see me. um and even that asshole of a teacher is here!! I'm ready to slit my wrist!! oh n she brought him. kill me
2 more days. 2 more days. 2 more days
Hey gurlee's
It's Wednesday! Thank GOD almighty! Everything as been going fairly well. Took one my exam today, only a small minor panic attack. The teacher for this class tho is a complete ASS-- he's been trying to sabatoge me all year. He actually made me cry yesterday. He doesn't know that because I did it after I cussed him out and walked out of his office. He's sucha dick. So anyway today he scheducled me in for another one of our bitch-fest, i think he gets on these power trips or something. I just don't care anymore-- but he got a little scared when he saw me walking about of the Department Chair office obviously discussing him so he let me go-- after blatantly threatening me. I hope one day he falls off a cliff.
I'm really bored now. I have to wait around for this Senior Celebration, everybody stuff their faces with pizza and ice cream party in 4 hours. I really dont even see food when I see that I just see globs of fat being shoved into ppls mouths i imagined how it would be. I'm kinda on this improve my skin kick right now since my organic facewash has been miraculous! And all those oils in the food would just break me out too. So I have more then enough reasons to avoid greasy fat foods. Today I am totally gonna go with the "I'm leaving from here going out to eat somewhere nice downtown" excuse. It's brilliant on so many levels. One of them being that she is in this class (as you know, maybe, well she is) and she will probably over hear that and assume I am going out with K we have been displaying very publically on fb how we really need to hang out... all thats not really important I suppose I am not so interest in scheming ideas for her to notice me i am 400% over it -- but its a slight upside. Anywho...
Everyone has been OMG Tara your so skinny. lol I'm sucha idiot tho i never know what to say after that. I'm always like no I'm not shutup! or I wish! But I so obviously kno am, its all i think about ALL day long . Um... I either need to play more suprised or digusted because how I say it is not coming out right. u kno. Its coming off like i am someone trying to purposely become super skinny by starving myself... which i need to conceal a little better. Oh and let me tell u, most of these girls will be in the party later and will forsure notice I am not eating and maybe put two and two together. FML! I don't care tho, I will never see any of these people again. They can assume what they want. I'm just ready to be done with it all.
I got on the scale today, no change. still at my goal weight (clothed) Made me happy. I can't wait till schools over so I can start working out again. Today I had oatmeal for breakfast which was 4am i had to wake up early to "study" or finally get dressed in the outfit I've been planning to wear this day for weeks now, it really illuminates my skinnist. Its one of those jumper-shorts outfits. That is really loose fitting so everything looks really small. And I have my beloved SobeLife 0 cal drink. pure bliss! try it u'll love it. Okay I'm sorry i'm just going on and on-- i wont bore u any longer.
--I'm gonna catch up on blogs for the next 4hrs. I really need sex. Like I am so ready to just dry hump anything that walks. ugh! tmi sorry
It's Wednesday! Thank GOD almighty! Everything as been going fairly well. Took one my exam today, only a small minor panic attack. The teacher for this class tho is a complete ASS-- he's been trying to sabatoge me all year. He actually made me cry yesterday. He doesn't know that because I did it after I cussed him out and walked out of his office. He's sucha dick. So anyway today he scheducled me in for another one of our bitch-fest, i think he gets on these power trips or something. I just don't care anymore-- but he got a little scared when he saw me walking about of the Department Chair office obviously discussing him so he let me go-- after blatantly threatening me. I hope one day he falls off a cliff.
I'm really bored now. I have to wait around for this Senior Celebration, everybody stuff their faces with pizza and ice cream party in 4 hours. I really dont even see food when I see that I just see globs of fat being shoved into ppls mouths i imagined how it would be. I'm kinda on this improve my skin kick right now since my organic facewash has been miraculous! And all those oils in the food would just break me out too. So I have more then enough reasons to avoid greasy fat foods. Today I am totally gonna go with the "I'm leaving from here going out to eat somewhere nice downtown" excuse. It's brilliant on so many levels. One of them being that she is in this class (as you know, maybe, well she is) and she will probably over hear that and assume I am going out with K we have been displaying very publically on fb how we really need to hang out... all thats not really important I suppose I am not so interest in scheming ideas for her to notice me i am 400% over it -- but its a slight upside. Anywho...
Everyone has been OMG Tara your so skinny. lol I'm sucha idiot tho i never know what to say after that. I'm always like no I'm not shutup! or I wish! But I so obviously kno am, its all i think about ALL day long . Um... I either need to play more suprised or digusted because how I say it is not coming out right. u kno. Its coming off like i am someone trying to purposely become super skinny by starving myself... which i need to conceal a little better. Oh and let me tell u, most of these girls will be in the party later and will forsure notice I am not eating and maybe put two and two together. FML! I don't care tho, I will never see any of these people again. They can assume what they want. I'm just ready to be done with it all.
I got on the scale today, no change. still at my goal weight (clothed) Made me happy. I can't wait till schools over so I can start working out again. Today I had oatmeal for breakfast which was 4am i had to wake up early to "study" or finally get dressed in the outfit I've been planning to wear this day for weeks now, it really illuminates my skinnist. Its one of those jumper-shorts outfits. That is really loose fitting so everything looks really small. And I have my beloved SobeLife 0 cal drink. pure bliss! try it u'll love it. Okay I'm sorry i'm just going on and on-- i wont bore u any longer.
--I'm gonna catch up on blogs for the next 4hrs. I really need sex. Like I am so ready to just dry hump anything that walks. ugh! tmi sorry
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Jamacian me happy.
HEYYYYY Girls!! I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!
This week is going well- academic wise. I have followed my list to the Tee and so I am right on schedule. I have finished my last last LAST undergraduate paper! It was my senior thesis basically the only thing I was completely scared of not finishing - thus not graduating. But I did finish.
This Monday is the LAST MONDAY EVER!! GUYS!! I MADE IT! You girls that have been with me through all my insanity- know how much I struggled through mondays and now they are NO MORE!! Thank you Jesus! And then Wednesday I turn in the paper ( for the monday class) but we are having a little senior party. Which I don't really care for going to because its all about eating pizza and icecream. Thus, I dont want to be the only one not eating (because I WILL BE!) and then that draw all this stupid unnecessary attention to myself. I've been thinking about lies for 2 weeks now to get me out of A.) going to the stupid party at all and B.) eating. So far I thought of: I am leaving here and going out to eat, I already ate not hungry, My stomach is upset, or I could always go through the I'm lactose-intolerant (which I am) but that is not gonna fly to well because several of the ppl have seen me eat pizza before when I was fat.
If any of you have really good lies to get out of eating please help me out.
At the same time I do want to go just so I can dress up in something cute to show off my fabulous legs! WOW I have never thought of my legs as fabulous. But lately, they have even surprised me its like finally the number on the scale actually matches how I look and feel. Ill need to upload pics soon. I wore my size 2 shorts that are now to big for me and got a few comments about how small I've gotten. That made me happy. I am not intentionally fasting, but I am still not eating. I am scared to actually. Like petrified now. I am so happy with everything right now I don't want anything to ruin it!I gave in to weigh myself , 110 with my clothes on... so I am probably a little less then that. I am happy with that, because technically I am still at my goal weight. Granted if I lose more, that will be nice but I'm not so so so concerned with it. Now all I need to make sure is to never go up.
Today I just at this fruit smoothie that was 110 cals. popcorn when I thought I was gonna absolutely die. And now finallllyyy something with alcohol in it (mini celebration for finishing my paper) wine cooler "Jamaican Me Happy"
I hope all you girls are doing good. Here's some thinspo for you. I hope I didnt use these already.
sadly, tomorrow I must get back on schedule but by saturday I should be done everything!! and only graduation left to do. I'll probably end up being drunk as shit graduation day lol cant wait! Oh and hello there new followers! It made me happy to come back and have 17 followers! I love all the love <3 xoxoxo Girls stay strong, It's basically summertime, time for the beach make sure you are ready! I know you are.
This week is going well- academic wise. I have followed my list to the Tee and so I am right on schedule. I have finished my last last LAST undergraduate paper! It was my senior thesis basically the only thing I was completely scared of not finishing - thus not graduating. But I did finish.
This Monday is the LAST MONDAY EVER!! GUYS!! I MADE IT! You girls that have been with me through all my insanity- know how much I struggled through mondays and now they are NO MORE!! Thank you Jesus! And then Wednesday I turn in the paper ( for the monday class) but we are having a little senior party. Which I don't really care for going to because its all about eating pizza and icecream. Thus, I dont want to be the only one not eating (because I WILL BE!) and then that draw all this stupid unnecessary attention to myself. I've been thinking about lies for 2 weeks now to get me out of A.) going to the stupid party at all and B.) eating. So far I thought of: I am leaving here and going out to eat, I already ate not hungry, My stomach is upset, or I could always go through the I'm lactose-intolerant (which I am) but that is not gonna fly to well because several of the ppl have seen me eat pizza before when I was fat.
If any of you have really good lies to get out of eating please help me out.
At the same time I do want to go just so I can dress up in something cute to show off my fabulous legs! WOW I have never thought of my legs as fabulous. But lately, they have even surprised me its like finally the number on the scale actually matches how I look and feel. Ill need to upload pics soon. I wore my size 2 shorts that are now to big for me and got a few comments about how small I've gotten. That made me happy. I am not intentionally fasting, but I am still not eating. I am scared to actually. Like petrified now. I am so happy with everything right now I don't want anything to ruin it!I gave in to weigh myself , 110 with my clothes on... so I am probably a little less then that. I am happy with that, because technically I am still at my goal weight. Granted if I lose more, that will be nice but I'm not so so so concerned with it. Now all I need to make sure is to never go up.
Today I just at this fruit smoothie that was 110 cals. popcorn when I thought I was gonna absolutely die. And now finallllyyy something with alcohol in it (mini celebration for finishing my paper) wine cooler "Jamaican Me Happy"
I hope all you girls are doing good. Here's some thinspo for you. I hope I didnt use these already.
sadly, tomorrow I must get back on schedule but by saturday I should be done everything!! and only graduation left to do. I'll probably end up being drunk as shit graduation day lol cant wait! Oh and hello there new followers! It made me happy to come back and have 17 followers! I love all the love <3 xoxoxo Girls stay strong, It's basically summertime, time for the beach make sure you are ready! I know you are.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Oh my Jesus, THis is IT!!!
okay I am on the borderline of a panic attack.
basically my whole life depends on this week and next week. Its extreme, extreme crunch time. OMG its all a little overwhelming. But I made a list I make lists. They tell me exactly what I should be doing, completing at every hour of the day for the next 10 days - thru May 7. Wow I really cant fucking believe that. May is here!!! OMG I honest to God never ever thought May would be here. And here it it. After May 7th I'm pretty much done, two minor finals left to take but by then the only thing I need to do is GRADUATE. I have to walk my skinny little ass across that stage, take my diploma and PEACE THE FUCK OUT THIS BYTCHHHH!! AHHHH YES!! I will never look back.
ok ok ok but before I get to that point, I absolutely need to complete these next couple of days and not have it result in complete utter self destruction. I have to succeed. I will. But sadly that means I probably won't be able to update you girls for a little bit of time. Don't fret, I'll definitely be back... If I make any drastic weight losses I'll let you know.
Stay strong, stay strong. I love you girls. Your all amazing. Your all beautiful. Together we are all gonna be so happy with our cute little bodies in our sexy itty bitty tiny winny yellow poka dot bikini. Never loose site of the GOAL.
Till next time ..... xoxox
basically my whole life depends on this week and next week. Its extreme, extreme crunch time. OMG its all a little overwhelming. But I made a list I make lists. They tell me exactly what I should be doing, completing at every hour of the day for the next 10 days - thru May 7. Wow I really cant fucking believe that. May is here!!! OMG I honest to God never ever thought May would be here. And here it it. After May 7th I'm pretty much done, two minor finals left to take but by then the only thing I need to do is GRADUATE. I have to walk my skinny little ass across that stage, take my diploma and PEACE THE FUCK OUT THIS BYTCHHHH!! AHHHH YES!! I will never look back.
ok ok ok but before I get to that point, I absolutely need to complete these next couple of days and not have it result in complete utter self destruction. I have to succeed. I will. But sadly that means I probably won't be able to update you girls for a little bit of time. Don't fret, I'll definitely be back... If I make any drastic weight losses I'll let you know.
Stay strong, stay strong. I love you girls. Your all amazing. Your all beautiful. Together we are all gonna be so happy with our cute little bodies in our sexy itty bitty tiny winny yellow poka dot bikini. Never loose site of the GOAL.
Till next time ..... xoxox
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
NO fat princesses ALLOWED!
Hey there all my beautiful princesses!!
Now we have princesses to match all the nationalities of the world. I think its great. but what we dont have is a fat princess!! you kno why dont you!? Because no one wants a fat role model, there is nothing appealing about someone who is sloppy, sweaty and fat, with no self control. Being thin is beautiful, elegant, admirered, and envied- every thing that a princes is. This is us!
Also a Princess, is the shape of a diamond a very valuable gem. " The Princess Cut Diamond is a brilliant style shape with sharp, uncut edges" This is us too!
We are precious gems, brilliantly shaped to show off our sharp bony curves, desired by all, achieved by few, we are strong and we demand attention when we walk into a room everyone's eyes are on us because we are so beautifully thin.
I was feeling like I needed to thinspire someone out there. I hope I acheieve it. Don't give up, we must achieve the elegance, and beauty of Princesses. I know you all can do it! You all will succeed and show off your beautiful bones. Summer is around the corner, how will you look in your bathing suit :)?
ok.....
My fast is still going good. I'm just gonna push it out for as long as I can go. I hope I can go all week. Sobe life water 0 calories is my life right now. It taste good and NO calories and NO artificial carbonated junk like cokes. You should try them. they work!! Also had a Starbucks coffee vanilla double shot drink (in the can) only hundred cals I had half in the morning, half now- the only thing that sucks about fasting is no energy, so I had that so i could wake up this morning, and now i need to write a freaking paper. :( But, at least its not food!! so I dont believe it counts.
okay i gotta get outta here before my mom comes and starts questioning me about what I've eaten today. Going to Barnes and nobles. I love love love all u girls. I hope everything is going well. Ill catch up lata.
Remember you are a princess :)
Now we have princesses to match all the nationalities of the world. I think its great. but what we dont have is a fat princess!! you kno why dont you!? Because no one wants a fat role model, there is nothing appealing about someone who is sloppy, sweaty and fat, with no self control. Being thin is beautiful, elegant, admirered, and envied- every thing that a princes is. This is us!
Also a Princess, is the shape of a diamond a very valuable gem. " The Princess Cut Diamond is a brilliant style shape with sharp, uncut edges" This is us too!
We are precious gems, brilliantly shaped to show off our sharp bony curves, desired by all, achieved by few, we are strong and we demand attention when we walk into a room everyone's eyes are on us because we are so beautifully thin.
I was feeling like I needed to thinspire someone out there. I hope I acheieve it. Don't give up, we must achieve the elegance, and beauty of Princesses. I know you all can do it! You all will succeed and show off your beautiful bones. Summer is around the corner, how will you look in your bathing suit :)?
ok.....
My fast is still going good. I'm just gonna push it out for as long as I can go. I hope I can go all week. Sobe life water 0 calories is my life right now. It taste good and NO calories and NO artificial carbonated junk like cokes. You should try them. they work!! Also had a Starbucks coffee vanilla double shot drink (in the can) only hundred cals I had half in the morning, half now- the only thing that sucks about fasting is no energy, so I had that so i could wake up this morning, and now i need to write a freaking paper. :( But, at least its not food!! so I dont believe it counts.
okay i gotta get outta here before my mom comes and starts questioning me about what I've eaten today. Going to Barnes and nobles. I love love love all u girls. I hope everything is going well. Ill catch up lata.
Remember you are a princess :)
Monday, April 26, 2010
i want to be light as a feather.
I've been fasting all day,
Only things I am allowing myself it drink is a Sobe LifeWater zero calories.
I really want to fast for the rest of the week. I feel THAT gross. I am sure my weight is back up, I feel fat. I went shopping and tried on two size 1 pants and they were so tight, it was embrassing. i thought I could fit a size one....fml
If I absolutely need to feed my fat face, I will have applesauce, or nut mix only. but i can drink as much sobe life water as I want. oh an multi-vitamin.
My period is gonna start in 4days says iphone app, ill have to figure out a way to get around this. maybe on that day when I have to take medicine for my cramps i'll allow myself raisin bread.
its cold and crumpy outside and all I wanna do today is sleep.
I'm gonna print out a picture, right now im in the computer lab, of a really fat person. and carry it around in my pocket. If i even think of food I will stare at this picture...
until i understand this will be me, not able to get into my pants. she got there only one bite at a time and so will I if I keep letting myself go.
[later]...
My moms is such a fucking CUNT!! shes always asking me about my weight. and that I need to stop losing weight! Shes so annoying. STOP TELLING ME THAT!! shes just saying that cause she wants me to eat with her. like WTF!! me stuffing my face will make u feel better. like how fucked up is that!??? I'm so angry. She wonders why i hate her. And she so dumb because if she hadnt said anything I might of had some nuts but now ... NOTHING!!! assfuck!! I really do feel really fat today. I want to cry. I'm going to change my goal weight. 110 is not enough....
Only things I am allowing myself it drink is a Sobe LifeWater zero calories.
I really want to fast for the rest of the week. I feel THAT gross. I am sure my weight is back up, I feel fat. I went shopping and tried on two size 1 pants and they were so tight, it was embrassing. i thought I could fit a size one....fml
If I absolutely need to feed my fat face, I will have applesauce, or nut mix only. but i can drink as much sobe life water as I want. oh an multi-vitamin.
My period is gonna start in 4days says iphone app, ill have to figure out a way to get around this. maybe on that day when I have to take medicine for my cramps i'll allow myself raisin bread.
its cold and crumpy outside and all I wanna do today is sleep.
I'm gonna print out a picture, right now im in the computer lab, of a really fat person. and carry it around in my pocket. If i even think of food I will stare at this picture...
until i understand this will be me, not able to get into my pants. she got there only one bite at a time and so will I if I keep letting myself go.
[later]...
My moms is such a fucking CUNT!! shes always asking me about my weight. and that I need to stop losing weight! Shes so annoying. STOP TELLING ME THAT!! shes just saying that cause she wants me to eat with her. like WTF!! me stuffing my face will make u feel better. like how fucked up is that!??? I'm so angry. She wonders why i hate her. And she so dumb because if she hadnt said anything I might of had some nuts but now ... NOTHING!!! assfuck!! I really do feel really fat today. I want to cry. I'm going to change my goal weight. 110 is not enough....
Sunday, April 25, 2010
this couldnt get any worse
this sucks, i'm fucking sick.
I cant afford to be sick right now, i have so much I need to do.
so my mom is force feeding me.
i feel gross.
I cant afford to be sick right now, i have so much I need to do.
so my mom is force feeding me.
i feel gross.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thanks!!!!!
Hey gurlies--
OMgee today I have been on the worst emotional rollercoaster. I dont know why. I've already burst into tears talking to one of my professors we were talking about my life after graduation. Which would be a good thing except I have $70 grand in student loans I need to pay off which eliminates Medical school for me. So I am going to go the Physician Assistant route. I'll still be making a lot of money and in the same field, honestly its better in alot of ways like I'll actually have time for my family...but just to think that I had to alter my dreams because I don't have enough money to pay for them is what blows. Oh and I also found out that I wont be receiving these stupid honorary ropes things to wear on graduation because I didnt participate enough in functions and I fucked up in a few classes. Which kinda sucks only because my mom is so set on me having these fucking ropes. So all of this plus hearing in my first class that our global crisis is pretty much gonna wipe us all out, which is really depressing to hear at 8am has me in an emotional wreck. I feel like I'm on the brink of a panic attack.
You girls make me feel so much better tho. I was so nervous posting pics of myself, I'm still not so sure why I did it. But it almost makes my weight lost real seeing it posted. I had the worst nitemares about them tho, that everyone would still find me really fat. and I had planned to wake up early enough so I can take them all down before anyones sees them. I didnt have time this morning. But thank you so much for all your sweet comments. I really hope they help someone realize that I'm just a normal girl, and I did achieve it, that its possible, and you can be the size you want. I know I have alot more work to do, its not over, but I'm trying to head in the right direction.
I heart heart heart you girls. Stay strong. And guess what? Since the food industry is the #1 contributer to our Global crisis, our lack of consumption means we are making a good impact on the environmenmt. Just think, for everything you dont eat, you just saved some cute little species, and several plant species that help to cure disease from extinction. :D
xoxo!!!
Oh- today I had an ice coffee and a daily vitamin, thats all for the day. I have to work at 5pm and Ill be doing a whole lot of running around so maybe I'll be in the negatives. I need to lose these thighs pronto.
OMgee today I have been on the worst emotional rollercoaster. I dont know why. I've already burst into tears talking to one of my professors we were talking about my life after graduation. Which would be a good thing except I have $70 grand in student loans I need to pay off which eliminates Medical school for me. So I am going to go the Physician Assistant route. I'll still be making a lot of money and in the same field, honestly its better in alot of ways like I'll actually have time for my family...but just to think that I had to alter my dreams because I don't have enough money to pay for them is what blows. Oh and I also found out that I wont be receiving these stupid honorary ropes things to wear on graduation because I didnt participate enough in functions and I fucked up in a few classes. Which kinda sucks only because my mom is so set on me having these fucking ropes. So all of this plus hearing in my first class that our global crisis is pretty much gonna wipe us all out, which is really depressing to hear at 8am has me in an emotional wreck. I feel like I'm on the brink of a panic attack.
You girls make me feel so much better tho. I was so nervous posting pics of myself, I'm still not so sure why I did it. But it almost makes my weight lost real seeing it posted. I had the worst nitemares about them tho, that everyone would still find me really fat. and I had planned to wake up early enough so I can take them all down before anyones sees them. I didnt have time this morning. But thank you so much for all your sweet comments. I really hope they help someone realize that I'm just a normal girl, and I did achieve it, that its possible, and you can be the size you want. I know I have alot more work to do, its not over, but I'm trying to head in the right direction.
I heart heart heart you girls. Stay strong. And guess what? Since the food industry is the #1 contributer to our Global crisis, our lack of consumption means we are making a good impact on the environmenmt. Just think, for everything you dont eat, you just saved some cute little species, and several plant species that help to cure disease from extinction. :D
xoxo!!!
Oh- today I had an ice coffee and a daily vitamin, thats all for the day. I have to work at 5pm and Ill be doing a whole lot of running around so maybe I'll be in the negatives. I need to lose these thighs pronto.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Wii Fitness makes it official!!
So at first I was sooo ashamed of what did last night. I ate at 12am.
crackers
with jelly
with cream cheese
and wine.
I knew it was bad. I knew you would be disappointed. But I really needed to sedate myself after all the bs I heard last nite. I just didnt want to slip back into my "nitemares"
On the brighter side... of course I woke up and need to weigh myself. I searched all over this house for batteries to put in the Wii Who knew that most things run only by electricity now. I remember when everything had batteries. Well not anymore. It was the hardest search of Double A batteries. I ended up having to go into the tool kit. Anyway, Drum roll please ..................
109.6!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!! and technically im underweight. BMI of 18.20 !! I just gotta keep this. I can't gain anything. OMG i'm so happy I made my goal. If I can do it believe me you can do it to. I kno that sounds corny as shit but its true. I was 130lb at one time sometimes higher, I was a lard ass really close to being overweight. And now 109.6!
I've only achieved this with you girls supporting me. thank you. thank you thank you thank you. i love u girls. I'm living proof that all your slips, and fuck ups can be corrected, by starting over the next day fresh with a new mind set. Don't give in, dont give up! its true nothing taste as good as you feel when you know you are at your goal weight.
(zette I miss you girl, come back)
crackers
with jelly
with cream cheese
and wine.
I knew it was bad. I knew you would be disappointed. But I really needed to sedate myself after all the bs I heard last nite. I just didnt want to slip back into my "nitemares"
On the brighter side... of course I woke up and need to weigh myself. I searched all over this house for batteries to put in the Wii Who knew that most things run only by electricity now. I remember when everything had batteries. Well not anymore. It was the hardest search of Double A batteries. I ended up having to go into the tool kit. Anyway, Drum roll please ..................
109.6!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!! and technically im underweight. BMI of 18.20 !! I just gotta keep this. I can't gain anything. OMG i'm so happy I made my goal. If I can do it believe me you can do it to. I kno that sounds corny as shit but its true. I was 130lb at one time sometimes higher, I was a lard ass really close to being overweight. And now 109.6!
I've only achieved this with you girls supporting me. thank you. thank you thank you thank you. i love u girls. I'm living proof that all your slips, and fuck ups can be corrected, by starting over the next day fresh with a new mind set. Don't give in, dont give up! its true nothing taste as good as you feel when you know you are at your goal weight.
(zette I miss you girl, come back)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
two steps back, sorry for this.
so I don't kno how to feel ...
My friend P just called me I declined it, so she left me a voicemail and it basically says that T: her dumb piece of shit excuse for a human, friend posted on facebook on her wall saying: you look so happy now, happier then you ever looked with dumb ass females espesically your last one. referring to me
UhmMm.... ? breathe, breathe.... breathe
First, I am so angry. and full of hate again. My blood got so hot. I start thinking of how I would love to have them run off the road, or how I should hire a hit person and then just be done with them both... forever.
but honestly thinking like that just drives me insane as we all know. Being so full of hate I couldn't think straight about anything. I didn't know which way was up or down. I was spiraling out of control, fast! I dont want to go back there. I can't. I like being happy and I won't let this pull me down.
Second, I thought it was interesting. Why post that? I've always known how jealous T was of me. She comes from nothing, fat, ugly, smells, lies constantly every horrible characteristic one person could have, she does. And she would always constantly talk so badly about T. And would get mad when I would call her two-faced, and fake. Either way I didnt care if they were still friends, I just hate fake ppl, pick a side and stick to it. Eventually she stopped talking to her all together. I was happy. But now they are all bff again. Its just funny how that happens. The one person you talked soooooo much shit about now your friends again? I dont get it.
I never really got into how our relationship was, no need to really. But she has so many issues that I had to deal with, that I sacrificed soo much for in effort to make her happy. My own girlfriend always admitted to being jealous of me, wish she was me, i never understood that, but ultimately resulted in a really bad controlling abusive relationship and a really bad breakup. so dumb. And honestly for what?! for nothing. To have gotten tied up in this mess!! I swear on my LIFEE i wish I could have known then what I know now, I would of never never made that mistake.
And so, I could be the better person and wish happiness for them both or I could wish that they keep hating themselves the way they do now. While I would never wish that on any of you, I would wish that on my worst enemies. Cause hating yourself is worst then hell itself. I choose the latter. The best reaction is no reaction at all, because that's what they want. Too bad I have more control than that now. I will always be better, I know that and they know that.
so there.... everything is written down and out of my head. sorry I went back to all of this. I was doing so good. I have a feeling it wont be the last time.
My friend P just called me I declined it, so she left me a voicemail and it basically says that T: her dumb piece of shit excuse for a human, friend posted on facebook on her wall saying: you look so happy now, happier then you ever looked with dumb ass females espesically your last one. referring to me
UhmMm.... ? breathe, breathe.... breathe
First, I am so angry. and full of hate again. My blood got so hot. I start thinking of how I would love to have them run off the road, or how I should hire a hit person and then just be done with them both... forever.
but honestly thinking like that just drives me insane as we all know. Being so full of hate I couldn't think straight about anything. I didn't know which way was up or down. I was spiraling out of control, fast! I dont want to go back there. I can't. I like being happy and I won't let this pull me down.
Second, I thought it was interesting. Why post that? I've always known how jealous T was of me. She comes from nothing, fat, ugly, smells, lies constantly every horrible characteristic one person could have, she does. And she would always constantly talk so badly about T. And would get mad when I would call her two-faced, and fake. Either way I didnt care if they were still friends, I just hate fake ppl, pick a side and stick to it. Eventually she stopped talking to her all together. I was happy. But now they are all bff again. Its just funny how that happens. The one person you talked soooooo much shit about now your friends again? I dont get it.
I never really got into how our relationship was, no need to really. But she has so many issues that I had to deal with, that I sacrificed soo much for in effort to make her happy. My own girlfriend always admitted to being jealous of me, wish she was me, i never understood that, but ultimately resulted in a really bad controlling abusive relationship and a really bad breakup. so dumb. And honestly for what?! for nothing. To have gotten tied up in this mess!! I swear on my LIFEE i wish I could have known then what I know now, I would of never never made that mistake.
And so, I could be the better person and wish happiness for them both or I could wish that they keep hating themselves the way they do now. While I would never wish that on any of you, I would wish that on my worst enemies. Cause hating yourself is worst then hell itself. I choose the latter. The best reaction is no reaction at all, because that's what they want. Too bad I have more control than that now. I will always be better, I know that and they know that.
so there.... everything is written down and out of my head. sorry I went back to all of this. I was doing so good. I have a feeling it wont be the last time.
to be or not to be...?
So, I got on the scale today and it said 111!!?? but it was my retarded scale, the old fashion one that just like to make up random numbers occasionally. but it never said I weighed less than I do before? I should check it by using my Wii Fit scale before I get too excited. So I just looked at it, then walked out the bathroom, kinda confused. lol Only now my Wii Fit is out of batteries.
Uhmm...? Coincidence? I think not!
But something weird has happened... I do actually feel like I look how I want, most days. Even when I compare myself to people that I use to think were so skinny, actually now look fat because I know I am smaller then them. Like this girl I sit next to in lab, I thought had the most perfect skinny thighs. Until today, she wore shorts and they were not so skinny. AT ALL!! Uhm....? its interesting.
At any rate I really do still want to get down to 110. and stay there. after Ive reached it, I just gotta maintain it!! tmw I will need to get on the scale in my dorm room.[wish me luck] OooOOo Hold that thought: i'll measure my thighs. brb.
thighs- 19.0 right on tip of hip bone- 30.5 I guess? I'm bad at measuring. I want my thighs to be 18.0. Another inch. Which I can loose as soon as I get some of the school work done, so I can go back and hit the gym. I've been slacking. Alright then chicas, I need to write some papers, drag.
Being drunk and sloppy is totally acceptable when you are skinny, even cute!
Being fat and drunk... nothing cute about that!!
Lets be the girls that get "carried" out of the club, not the ones they have to "roll" out!! tehehe Stay Strong :]
hugs& kisses!!
~tara
Uhmm...? Coincidence? I think not!
But something weird has happened... I do actually feel like I look how I want, most days. Even when I compare myself to people that I use to think were so skinny, actually now look fat because I know I am smaller then them. Like this girl I sit next to in lab, I thought had the most perfect skinny thighs. Until today, she wore shorts and they were not so skinny. AT ALL!! Uhm....? its interesting.
At any rate I really do still want to get down to 110. and stay there. after Ive reached it, I just gotta maintain it!! tmw I will need to get on the scale in my dorm room.[wish me luck] OooOOo Hold that thought: i'll measure my thighs. brb.
thighs- 19.0 right on tip of hip bone- 30.5 I guess? I'm bad at measuring. I want my thighs to be 18.0. Another inch. Which I can loose as soon as I get some of the school work done, so I can go back and hit the gym. I've been slacking. Alright then chicas, I need to write some papers, drag.
Being drunk and sloppy is totally acceptable when you are skinny, even cute!
Being fat and drunk... nothing cute about that!!
Lets be the girls that get "carried" out of the club, not the ones they have to "roll" out!! tehehe Stay Strong :]
hugs& kisses!!
~tara
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
*the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams*
Today I had a some-what normal people kinda day.
breakfast-banana
Lunch- Utz baked chips 110cal
dinner- out with my mom. I had a salad... 550 cal! wtf how is a salad so many calories?? its kinda depressing. but I play these little games with my mom just when she thinks shes on to something, ill make sure she sees me eat something then everything she was thinking is irrelevant. pahahaha silly women.
tomorrow its back to less than 300 cal. I think i will have breakfast probably strawberries this time, lunch: something liquid, sobe drink 0 cals. dinner- nothing. I will avoid mom.
I really don't understand why but I've been very anxious lately. I'm thinking its because I have so much to do for school. I need to change my face wash, i keep breaking out thus I keep picking. so to nip it all in the butt I need a better face wash then I wont have anything to tempt me. right? sure Alrighty ladies, i really dont have too much more. sorry I dont have more drama to entertain you. Im going to go to bed early, and have some me time tehehe. nighty nite.
breakfast-banana
Lunch- Utz baked chips 110cal
dinner- out with my mom. I had a salad... 550 cal! wtf how is a salad so many calories?? its kinda depressing. but I play these little games with my mom just when she thinks shes on to something, ill make sure she sees me eat something then everything she was thinking is irrelevant. pahahaha silly women.
tomorrow its back to less than 300 cal. I think i will have breakfast probably strawberries this time, lunch: something liquid, sobe drink 0 cals. dinner- nothing. I will avoid mom.
I really don't understand why but I've been very anxious lately. I'm thinking its because I have so much to do for school. I need to change my face wash, i keep breaking out thus I keep picking. so to nip it all in the butt I need a better face wash then I wont have anything to tempt me. right? sure Alrighty ladies, i really dont have too much more. sorry I dont have more drama to entertain you. Im going to go to bed early, and have some me time tehehe. nighty nite.
Monday, April 19, 2010
that place between sleep and awake...
Yeah, so not so interested in studying. Tried, and failed. Decided sleep is more important.
I am pretty happy about today, even though my mom put me in a bad head-space momentarily. But I told her I was "studying" shut my door and didn't come out -- as she ate dinner alone. while I was in a downward mood for a bit I started picking, UGH!! and I try to stop cause my face is getting hideous, I am getting scars that is actually stressing me out more. So I started doing something really weird, i plucked my underarm hair with tweezers... i kno thats, different to say the least. But alas it brought my anxiety back down and I was able to go on, not studying. I figured its a win-win situation it will lessen my anxiety and its less I'll need to shave later. sorry for that info. really..
Not to long ago, I went over to the fridge and cabinet and looked at everything in there. reached, and retracted multiple times. I was probably there for 5 mins thinking, i dont need this. Absolutely no nutritional value. Its just going to sit in my stomach, feel good for a moment. And be fat tomorrow morning. Tara go to sleep. Its after 630, what are you doing!? Be a good girl and Tomorrow you may have strawberries for breakfast. Read some blogs, go to sleep having skinny thoughts.
gnite ladies. Sweet dreams. tomorrow is always a new day, and its okay to have to start over.
I am pretty happy about today, even though my mom put me in a bad head-space momentarily. But I told her I was "studying" shut my door and didn't come out -- as she ate dinner alone. while I was in a downward mood for a bit I started picking, UGH!! and I try to stop cause my face is getting hideous, I am getting scars that is actually stressing me out more. So I started doing something really weird, i plucked my underarm hair with tweezers... i kno thats, different to say the least. But alas it brought my anxiety back down and I was able to go on, not studying. I figured its a win-win situation it will lessen my anxiety and its less I'll need to shave later. sorry for that info. really..
Not to long ago, I went over to the fridge and cabinet and looked at everything in there. reached, and retracted multiple times. I was probably there for 5 mins thinking, i dont need this. Absolutely no nutritional value. Its just going to sit in my stomach, feel good for a moment. And be fat tomorrow morning. Tara go to sleep. Its after 630, what are you doing!? Be a good girl and Tomorrow you may have strawberries for breakfast. Read some blogs, go to sleep having skinny thoughts.
gnite ladies. Sweet dreams. tomorrow is always a new day, and its okay to have to start over.
Maybe, just maybe...?
Hey ladies,
I feel like I've been gone for awhile. This weekend I've been extremely busy and anytime I finally got to sit down, I fell asleep. I missed you girls lol I have soooo many blogs to catch up on. Which is great because I have time between class. Hey look at me: Today is Monday, and I'm not freaking out!! YAy! I am really in a good head-space now, and I can honestly say I am over it, no more hate or bad feelings toward that situation. Thank God.
This weekend was my friend bday party in DC. OMG had the time of my life. VIP is definietly the best way to party. I <3 it, everyone is so envious of you when you are behind that red rope on stage with bouncers surrounding you untouchable. Again I was the skinniest girl in our group. So many times ppl mentioned how they wishthey were my size. tehehe! YET all they did was talk about how they rele want Mcdonalds. Um, those two things: weight loss and Mcdonalds dont go together. some ppl will never get it. Although being around bigger ppl makes me feel good. I probably need to hang out with L and T soon to put me in perspective. I am not as skinny as them so don't get ahead of yourself fatty!!!! If they were to tell me I look good, then I'll know its forreal. ukno?
I've been working my ass off at work, running around, moving tables all weekend. Plus out dancing on saturday for hours burned alot of calories I am sure. I've also been pulling off random day fastes and I am still not eating after 530,630? I dont remember but I think I started doing 530, the sooner the better right?. I havent weighed myself yet, maybe thursday, maybe. I donno why, I am getting anxious just thinking about it. What if I having lost anything... that would suck so bad. Oh and I brought some clothes friday, all smalls and extra smalls, these jeans were a size 1 and are still too big. But I think the store just runs big. But it still made me happy....
Today:
-Starbucks soy skinny vanilla latte 130cal (says iphone app)
-Dinner: my mom bought alot of fruits, so probably a banana.
I feel like I've been gone for awhile. This weekend I've been extremely busy and anytime I finally got to sit down, I fell asleep. I missed you girls lol I have soooo many blogs to catch up on. Which is great because I have time between class. Hey look at me: Today is Monday, and I'm not freaking out!! YAy! I am really in a good head-space now, and I can honestly say I am over it, no more hate or bad feelings toward that situation. Thank God.
This weekend was my friend bday party in DC. OMG had the time of my life. VIP is definietly the best way to party. I <3 it, everyone is so envious of you when you are behind that red rope on stage with bouncers surrounding you untouchable. Again I was the skinniest girl in our group. So many times ppl mentioned how they wishthey were my size. tehehe! YET all they did was talk about how they rele want Mcdonalds. Um, those two things: weight loss and Mcdonalds dont go together. some ppl will never get it. Although being around bigger ppl makes me feel good. I probably need to hang out with L and T soon to put me in perspective. I am not as skinny as them so don't get ahead of yourself fatty!!!! If they were to tell me I look good, then I'll know its forreal. ukno?
I've been working my ass off at work, running around, moving tables all weekend. Plus out dancing on saturday for hours burned alot of calories I am sure. I've also been pulling off random day fastes and I am still not eating after 530,630? I dont remember but I think I started doing 530, the sooner the better right?. I havent weighed myself yet, maybe thursday, maybe. I donno why, I am getting anxious just thinking about it. What if I having lost anything... that would suck so bad. Oh and I brought some clothes friday, all smalls and extra smalls, these jeans were a size 1 and are still too big. But I think the store just runs big. But it still made me happy....
Today:
-Starbucks soy skinny vanilla latte 130cal (says iphone app)
-Dinner: my mom bought alot of fruits, so probably a banana.
Friday, April 16, 2010
TGIF!!
Good Afternoon beauties!
Yesterday was a good day. I ended up having only tea for the rest of the day. It was a nice impromptu fast.
Today I am having a "somewhat-normal" day. I had breakfast: eggs w/ cheese. which probably wasn't a good idea to add the cheese. Damn it for liking cheese, but cheese not liking me. Lunch- had a salad from my restaurant 260cal . then...( kiddie ice cream cone) 160 cal. Oh man ! writing that down makes me feel bad. Nothing else for the rest of the day. No more splurging for awhile. I work today, so I'm going to work most of that off so hopefully it will get down to 300. I will also work out tonight (crunches, lunches) too.
I wore leggings today... my legs looked nice for once. I've caught a few ppl looking at them. I wonder what they were thinking.... At this moment I need to loose at least 3 lbs and another inch and half from my thighs. By next friday I want to be really close to that. Im so close. I'm so close, focus Tara!! .
The 5th girl has the shape I want.
Next friday I am going to imitate that last picture, so I can see how my legs compare. That's what I want. [crossfingers]
Yesterday was a good day. I ended up having only tea for the rest of the day. It was a nice impromptu fast.
Today I am having a "somewhat-normal" day. I had breakfast: eggs w/ cheese. which probably wasn't a good idea to add the cheese. Damn it for liking cheese, but cheese not liking me. Lunch- had a salad from my restaurant 260cal . then...( kiddie ice cream cone) 160 cal. Oh man ! writing that down makes me feel bad. Nothing else for the rest of the day. No more splurging for awhile. I work today, so I'm going to work most of that off so hopefully it will get down to 300. I will also work out tonight (crunches, lunches) too.
I wore leggings today... my legs looked nice for once. I've caught a few ppl looking at them. I wonder what they were thinking.... At this moment I need to loose at least 3 lbs and another inch and half from my thighs. By next friday I want to be really close to that. Im so close. I'm so close, focus Tara!! .
The 5th girl has the shape I want.
Next friday I am going to imitate that last picture, so I can see how my legs compare. That's what I want. [crossfingers]
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Weigh in.
I weighed myself today on Wii, it said 113.1. so I've lost, it would of been more if I had went to the potty first, not that that really matters cause its not like any fat will come out that way. (sorry) But I really wanted to see 112.something instead, since all of the walking I've been doing lately. No biggie I guess, at least its something right? I should be happy. I will be. Today I am not going to classes, because I need to study for my exam I have tomorrow. YIKES!! breathe... Tara... breathe.
Oh ! and guess what !! Only 3 more Mondays until graduation!! Hell Yeah! 3 weeks left. I swear I never saw that coming. I need to do something with my life tho, like a job would be nice.
Any who,
breakfast: cereal
dinner: oranges.
I like when mommy-dearst isn't around to make me eat. :) And when she calls to check in I tell her how full I am because I just went and brought food. silly lady. Good luck today girls. I know you can do this. You can!
~"Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better. Food is good; thin is better".
[later...] yesterday I asked for the mirror to tell me i was skinny. And Holy Hell did it come thru. My friend S bday is this saturday so she has vip at this lounge in DC, its gonna be so nice. I have no idea what I will wear. So I tried on my halter top short black dress, which looks alot more expensive then it was. This dress was so tight on me in January when I wore it last, my legs would rub and n all, it was gross. But now!! its bascially falling off, if I wear it I will need to keep pulling it up, my chest bones (due to a lack of boobies that ana stole I suppose), collar bone, shoulders, back bones, knee caps are all showing. Most importantly, my thighs have so much room to move around without rubbing all up on each other. Yay, I probably wont even wear it now because it looks like I stole it from some fat persons closet tehehe (which is my own). Almost makes you consider not needing to lose anymore weight ( PAHAHAHA yeah right!! )
Oh ! and guess what !! Only 3 more Mondays until graduation!! Hell Yeah! 3 weeks left. I swear I never saw that coming. I need to do something with my life tho, like a job would be nice.
Any who,
breakfast: cereal
dinner: oranges.
I like when mommy-dearst isn't around to make me eat. :) And when she calls to check in I tell her how full I am because I just went and brought food. silly lady. Good luck today girls. I know you can do this. You can!
~"Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better. Food is good; thin is better".
[later...] yesterday I asked for the mirror to tell me i was skinny. And Holy Hell did it come thru. My friend S bday is this saturday so she has vip at this lounge in DC, its gonna be so nice. I have no idea what I will wear. So I tried on my halter top short black dress, which looks alot more expensive then it was. This dress was so tight on me in January when I wore it last, my legs would rub and n all, it was gross. But now!! its bascially falling off, if I wear it I will need to keep pulling it up, my chest bones (due to a lack of boobies that ana stole I suppose), collar bone, shoulders, back bones, knee caps are all showing. Most importantly, my thighs have so much room to move around without rubbing all up on each other. Yay, I probably wont even wear it now because it looks like I stole it from some fat persons closet tehehe (which is my own). Almost makes you consider not needing to lose anymore weight ( PAHAHAHA yeah right!! )
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Salamander, frogs, and spiders OH MY!
Oh man, today I had to go on a field trip for my ecology class. Where did we go? Hiking in the woods. See, I am not an outdoorsy kinda girl, I hate bugs, I hate feeling dirty and sweaty. We were (by we I mean the other students) all sifting through nasty stream water picking out frogs, and salamanders. Which was cool for all of 10mins. By 2hrs I was thinking I was going insane, i felt filthy. By the time I got home I went OCD crazy!! I couldnt stop cleaning till everything was absolutely perfect.I even reorganized my entire walk-in closet, and bathroom, polished every surface of funiture in my room i did everything!. How long did I clean for? 7hrs!!!!!! I am so sore.
However, cleaning, hardcore for 7hr probably burned so many calories. Hiking in the freaking woods for 2hrs ( uphills, crossing streams, jumping over logs, running and screaming for my life when I saw anything other then a homo sapien) also probably burned alot of calories.
Only intake today was: starbucks drink (from can) i think 110cals, 1 bowl of cereal with soy milk , and lots of water. Maybe tomorrow I will weigh myself... [kinda nervous]
Mirror, mirror on the wall... tell me I am skinny DAMN IT!!
Stay strong my little skinnies. it is all worth it!
However, cleaning, hardcore for 7hr probably burned so many calories. Hiking in the freaking woods for 2hrs ( uphills, crossing streams, jumping over logs, running and screaming for my life when I saw anything other then a homo sapien) also probably burned alot of calories.
Only intake today was: starbucks drink (from can) i think 110cals, 1 bowl of cereal with soy milk , and lots of water. Maybe tomorrow I will weigh myself... [kinda nervous]
Mirror, mirror on the wall... tell me I am skinny DAMN IT!!
Stay strong my little skinnies. it is all worth it!
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