sexy or thin...?

Yesterday... I literally slept all day. Mostly because I was hungover like shit. But also because I was pretty depressed. That nite before was pretty dramatic, long story short I woke up my eyes swollwen nearly shut from crying, walked out of K's house before everyone woke up as soon as i could drive and will never see her or any of them every again. My choice. I knew I wasnt going to allow it to last forever just never knew how it would end. Ironically the tears werent even for K... strangely enough drunken me was thinking about her. UGH yeah somehow I still think about her from time to time. who knows.....? Sucha long story, not gonna get into it, its not important.

What is important is my plan for weight lost today. I'm on my cycle today so I have cramps so i need to take some motrin, which complicates things because I cant take it on an empty stomach. Cereal or Yorgurt? That will be all I have for the day.

Oh n that reminds me. My mom is being weird again. She calls from work and tells me everything I could have in the house for lunch. Mind you- I just woke up. So I'm like ok mom watever. Then she asks, so what are u gonna have? Like wtf why are u concerned from work about wat I will have. I told her I'm going back to sleep n hung up. If she starts this up again, we are gonna have problems.


I am having issues tho, and it is primarily the reason why I got off track. I am constantly being conflicted with ideas of being sexy or being thin. Kim K is sexy she has boobs and she has an ass. But being thin-- especially me I have no boobs mostly cause I had none to start with and no ass. which isnt necessarily sexy. But lets say hypothetically i was Kim K size I would constantly feel fat and not sexy. So i donno.... either way I'm not gonna feel sexy. Just that being thin Ill feel best knowing I'm not fat. Srry if thats confusing.