As soon as Nightfalls

As soon as night falls, I'm sad again, its like clockwork 8am and I'm depressed. On the verge of crying my eyes out... everynight. Why?

It started when I finished my presentation. Omg I'm so relieved now all i need to do is memorize it. Shouldn't be so hard I feel like I already kind of know it. So I called my friend and asked how far shes got? She's almost done too. I'm feeling good.

I decide to take a mini break to check fb. My friend hits me up about going out Thursday. Thank God I can get off this campus, I love it in DC. The the boy text ( he likes me, I would like him more if he was a girl.) he wants me to come to his place and we drive to DC together. I tried to get a hold of my bff so she could advise me on what to say. You have to understand he's the quiet type and if I wanted to drive to DC in silence I could drive myself. Well she didn't answer and by now so much time has passed I just said yes. ( I figure I could always back out of it later)

So then I tried to make some arrangements with some girls I knew. The one I really wanted to go out with cant because she has to wrk but really wish she could. After she said no, none of the others was really interesting to me anymore, they thought of some places that could be fun, but I never responded.

So another friend had called me back after I had texted her, and I told her about going out. (this is where it got really depressing) She totally shoots me down about how its Monday and no one goes out on Mondays. Then she says well maybe we can all go out later but you shouldnt get as drunk as you did last time, you were kind of hitting on all my friends ( all girls). WTF!? I remembering dancing, thats all I ever do. Im sorry your friends come up to me and want to dance with me, am I suppose to say no? Girls can be so fucking sensitive. But now I feel like shit and it explains why shes been kinda standoffish since we went out.

Being in this mood, it draws attention to the fact that I am hungry since I having had anything but applesauce all day. Irritated with everything I make popcorn but only have a few bites ( I cant be getting all fat over all this bullshit) I call up my "sister" shes in law school in NYC but she can only give me 5 mins because shes busy writing a paper, so that didnt work too well. She told me to go talk to "her", which then I had to explain how we arent together anymore, its like ripping of a bandaid everytime I think about the past. My mom couldnt even talk because her bf is over.

I just want to talk to someone, I miss having someone, I'm always so alone now. I've never been depressed in my life until now. Its all because of her. I use to be so strong, and happy about everything all the time, except for the occasional I'm getting fat. Thats what she loved about me, and she ruined it. I really want to be myself again, I miss me. I think I should get help, but the counselors at this school are so dumb. I never really understood alcoholics or addicts before but I get it now.