my life goes in cycles. You would think I had bipolar disorder. UGH. a couple of months everything its great. next couple of months ... its in shambles. I'm sorry ladies. I've just been trying to pick up the pieces. I've thought about you everyday, but basically to embarrassed, and fat to post, or log in to make me feel ashamed.
Um.... this isnt a blog about weight obviously, just my shambled self. And of course the only thing that shambles my life... is when people mention the forbidden words to me " I like you" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Like WTF why do people feel the need to confess their likes to me! I tell you basically when we meet, Two rules: Dont like me, and if you do dont tell me. WHYYYY must people break these. NO! by breaking these rules, you will not change me. and YES I will still run like hell, or say and do everything in my power to convince you, you have the wrong person.
I've official pushed K #1 away. Which I am not even sad about. She talked too much about liking me and missing me when I didnt text her back or see her, i would have panic attacks just thinking of her name. AH! So happy thats over I can breathe.
BUT NO! here comes K #2 ... they so happen to have the same damn initials, different names, THANK GOD! HER the one who caused me all this anxiety (remember her) yea her name started with K too. FUCK K'S!!! I digress .... I tell her, K#2 the same fucking thing... and what did she do. the same thing. Today she tells me: I wished for (she describes in details) but basically someone just like me, then she says I forgot to wish for her to like me back. Cute Huh? NO! we talked about how I cant like her for like 2 hours, I wish I had anti- anxiety medicine.
I just wanna cry. but I cant, I am so numb with emotions its crazy. I'm like a zombie as soon as you mention relationships, I'm completely zoned out.... I want to be happy, I want to feel, love but i can't. I cant allow myself. Most of you kno how fucking crazy and hard that pass disaster was with her... never again. just fml
the only way I can fall again, is if I have someone just like her, but nothing like her at the same time. How is that possible?
How can I want that???
Florence and the Machine in Dog Days are over said it best... "Leave all your love behind you. You cant carry it if you want to survive"
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Wow I really hope u get better... My life have been kinda fallin apart too and I just want you to know that I totally understand what ur going through... Plus my weight loss (or lack of, should I say) is driving me crazy!!!! Everytime I drop a fucking pound, they (everyone) tells me how "sick" I look and how I need "a little more junk in the trunk" or how "WE" (as in black people" were born to be "thicker than a snicker"... Why me ??! Those are the kind of shit that have been putting me down plus my love/sex life (or still, lack of) and the fact that I hate what I'm doing in college right now. Anyway, just keep your head up and I know it'll get beeter sooner than you'd expecet cause your amazing ;)
ReplyDeleteP.S. : thanks a lot for the birthday wishes ! It really meant a lot to me, you cant even imagine.
You remind me so much of a girl I used to date >_<
ReplyDeletehey darling, just missing you. hope life is treating you well.
ReplyDeletexoxo
zette
Hey, just thought i'd say I know you aren't really blogging anymore but I've read your whole blog back to front and it was such an inspiration to me. The feelings, the emotions, the way you write, everything. A lot of it was actually very uplifting. I love how you tell things like a story narrative. I identified with a lot of it. Hope life is OK for you at the moment. Xxx
ReplyDeletehey honey ive restarted my blog and it would be so nice if you could support me <3 kisses xoxo
ReplyDeletehttp://thinisprettiest.blogspot.com/
I'm sorry that people can be jerks sometimes. I hate that. I have the same rules as you when it comes to that! Why tell me those things? It wont change anything.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are doing well! Hopefully you are on here more lately!
Thigh gaps are not unhealthy at all. Rubbing thighs are very unhealthy as they cause hip dysplasia, skin and yeast infections and smell bad but so what? Fat girls are hot, Any woman can and should have a thigh gap according to doctors but give me chafed thighs any day!
ReplyDeleteThigh Gaps Are a Sign of Good Health SEE WHY CLICK HERE
Fat Chicks Are Sluts and the FACTS Prove it! Why waste your time trying to bone a skinny chick when you can easily PORK A FAT GIRL?!
Fuck Yeah! Fat Girls Are Sluts CLICK Here!
Click HERE to read why The Bible Belt is the FATTEST and most SINFUL
ReplyDeleteGluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins.
Philippians 3:19 Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.
Proverbs 23:20-21 Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.
Proverbs 23:2 And put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite